One Night With a Suit
The art of bank boy bonking
Being a single, fairly attractive women in a new city blossoming in dollars and suits, is quite a different playing field than the comfort of the laid back surfer’ville I originate from. To even deserve a glance one needs to be polished, toned and ten inches taller.
My lovely lady friends and I are party people. Hunters of the night, just looking for a little squeeze to take home and cuddle. In my opinion we are straightforward folk. Our ambitions far outweigh the need of a relationship, but even a little nuzzle is a tough one to tackle in this town.
You need to know the rules in order to play the game.
Now I am not speaking for the entire country of men here; just the handful that we encounter on a weekend basis. The bank boys.
Enter a typical Friday night scenario:
Girl walks into bar, she is polished to perfection. A little shy under the radar, but she knows to be shy in a bar like this is to come out tattered and bruised. Confidence is key.
She walks to the bar, orders a drink and surveys her surroundings.
Suits everywhere, carbon copies of the same dollar bill. She is not after the wealth, (as much as all men think women are gold diggers we understand that heavy pocket comes a lonely home), she is just after someone, ‘nice’.
Perhaps a little smooch and who knows where the night could go…
As she turns around, a delish looking suit walks up to her and asks her name. She obliges and enters the infamous, ‘31 reasons why you should go home with me’ conversation.
The rankings of HIS success, tier in this order:
These are all ego ingredients that fill the suit.
To play his game, and win what he likes to call a, “ticket to the gun show” you have to behave in this specific manner. No more, no less.
2. Don’t challenge his thoughts, don’t DARE show him you care about anything else but him.
3. If you want a drink, order a shooter — this translates into, “Look how fun I am, imagine how much fun I am in the bedroom…”
4. If you go to the bathroom, make it snappy — you have a lot of hot bottoms to compete against (NB* He is there to be worshipped not entertained, any short skirt can do that in a second).
6. Offer as little as possible about yourself. Your brains should be checked in at the door.
7. Pretend to get a little drunk, giggle, act stupid. Show him you are easy prey — men hate having to try hard at getting laid.
These 8 steps will get you, “in there”. And the rest, well that’s up to him. If you get the bro-score you bet your bottom dollar that you are going to YOUR house for a maximum, 8-10 minute ironing session. If you are left high and dry, don’t worry there will be another suit to pick up his unwanted goods.
A banker boy needs a trophy to show off to his friends, not a brain. If you are comfortable with being the dumbest version of yourself for one night then this scene is just for you.
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