Title: “It’s Not One-Sided: Marriage a Two-Way Street” (Part 1)
Text: Ephesians 5:22–33
Yesterday, I was challenged by one of my friends to provide a scholarly and honest reflection on Ephesians 5:22–33 and delve deeper into the meaning of love, submission, and leadership in marriage.
I don’t intend to present myself as an expert, but I argue this morning that the passage in Ephesians 5:22–33 is often misunderstood and misinterpreted, so let us do justice to this text.
Our text is part of a more extensive section on Christian living, where Paul provides practical applications of the Christian faith. In the culture of Paul’s time, marriage was seen as a hierarchical relationship where the husband held authority over the wife. It was a patriarchal society where women had limited rights and were often treated as property. However, Paul’s teaching on marriage was revolutionary for his time, emphasizing the mutual submission and love between husband and wife.
In verse 22, Paul writes, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord.” This verse is often taken out of context and used to justify men dominating women. However, the word “submit” is not a command but rather a voluntary act of yielding to another’s leadership. The Greek word for “submit” is “hupotassō,” which means to place oneself under another’s authority. It is the same word used in verse 21, where Paul calls on all Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
In verse 23, Paul writes, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” The word “head” in Greek is “kephalē,” which means the source of life and nourishment. The husband is called to be the source of love and care for his wife, just as Christ is the source of life for the church.
In verse 25, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The word “love” in Greek is “agapē,” which is a selfless, sacrificial love that seeks the good of the other. The husband is called to love his wife with this kind of love, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
So far, we can see that Paul’s teaching on marriage emphasizes mutual love, respect, and submission. The husband is called to be the loving leader of the family, and the wife is called to voluntarily submit to his leadership.
However, it is essential to note that submission does not mean blind obedience or subjugation. The wife is not called to submit to her husband’s every whim but rather to willingly yield to the leadership of that role when it aligns with God’s will. The husband is called to love his wife selflessly, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
In our modern society, the concepts of love and submission in marriage can be challenging to understand and apply. However, the principles outlined in Ephesians 5:22–33 are still relevant today.
The question is, How is it not one-sided?
- Love that Leads Triggers Submission:
The husband is called to be the leader of the family, but this leadership should be based on selfless love that seeks the good of his wife and family. When the husband leads with love, his wife will be more willing to submit to his leadership, knowing he is acting in her best interest. As the theologian John Stott once said, “Leadership is not a matter of position but of service.”
The role of the husband in a marriage is a significant one. Note the text, Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This love that the husband is called upon to demonstrate is not ordinary but rather a sacrificial love that must be equated to the love one has for oneself.
This love must be demonstrated first without any expectation of reciprocity. As the great theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love of God begins with listening to his word, the beginning of love for others is learning to listen to them.”
Furthermore, the husband’s love must lead and not follow. He must take the initiative to demonstrate this sacrificial love, just as Christ took the initiative to give himself up for the church. This love must be sacrificial, as the husband must be willing to give up his own interests and desires for the sake of his wife. As the great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
In conclusion, the husband’s role in a marriage is a significant one that requires him to demonstrate sacrificial love, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This love must be demonstrated first, without expectation, and it must lead without reservation – then, in return, submission is rendered. The great theologian Saint Augustine once said, “Love is the beauty of the soul.”
2. Submission is a Magnet of Love in Return:
Submitting to one’s husband does not mean compromising one’s dignity or worth. The wife is called to respect her husband’s leadership, but this respect should be mutual and an attraction that is triggered as a result of love given. The husband should also respect his wife as an equal partner in the marriage. As the theologian Wayne Grudem once said, “The husband’s role as head involves leadership, but not dictatorship; love, but not domination.”
The relationship between love and submission is a crucial aspect of a healthy and successful union. Love and submission are not mutually exclusive, but rather, they work hand in glove. Love triggers submission, and submission is a consistent response to the reaction of love. The great philosopher Aristotle once said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
However, it is essential to note that not all love is capable of attracting submission. The only love that leads has the potential to attract submission. Love that does not lead will only attract equal love in return, resulting in a struggle for submission. The great theologian Saint Thomas Aquinas once said, “Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.”
Furthermore, submission is not a sign of weakness but rather a demonstration of love and respect. As the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:22–23, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” Submission is to be rendered not to a man but to the husband, who is the spiritual leader of the union and assumes the lead role.
In conclusion, love and submission are indispensable components of a successful union. Love leads to submission, and submission is a demonstration of love and respect. It is not one-sided. As the great philosopher Plato once said, “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” Submission is to be rendered to the husband, the spiritual leader of the union, as a demonstration of love and respect, in the same way as unto the Lord.
Overall, the passage in Ephesians 5:22–33 teaches us that love and submission are all essential components of a healthy marriage. Husbands are called to be loving leaders, and wives are called to submit to their leadership voluntarily. When spouses actively love and respect each other, the marriage can reflect Christ’s love for the church.
May the Lord God bless you and bless you real good!!!
