Highlighted by Adam Rotello

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…f the United Kingdom, which I think is a fantastic distinction, is between contract and covenant. A contract is about: What do I get out of this? And, I think: ‘What’s in it for me?’ And, ‘I’ve got to protect myself.’ And, I’ve got to have these clauses to make sure I don’t get taken advantage of or exploited. A covenant is a promise. A covenant says: We’re together. So, a marriage, where I go into a marriage and say, ‘I hope I’m a hit today. I hope I get more out of it today than I lost,’ or ‘I hope I got more — gee, didn’t my wife, hasn’t she failed to do this the last three times? It’s her turn’? So, if you keep score, you have a lousy marriage. And the way to have a good marriage is to base it on love. And to say, ‘Let’s see what happens.’ That emergent, attentive, enjoying whatever it is at this moment. And that’s very hard for us. Especially that left side of us doesn’t want that. It wants to say, ‘I could get more out of this. I’m dissatisfied. I need a better x,y,z — whatever it is — whether it’s a marriage or a job or a relationship with a parent, or a friend.’ And I think that whole maximizing mindset, which economists adopt, has some real drawbacks in thinking about how you should live your life. We often rationalize it by saying, ‘Well, but you’ve got to look out for yourself, don’t you?’ We often rationalize it by saying, ‘Well, people don’t — they’re not literally like this, but they act as if they are.’ And your point, I think correctly, is that: Well, if you keep thinking as if they act that way, maybe you start to think they do. And you start to think it’s rational for you to act that way. Which is, I think, extremely destructive.