Take a Break — My Workaholic Manifesto

This past Monday, I woke up in the morning with a pit in my stomach — an anxiety that was really intense and it was entirely due to the overwhelming day I had in front of me. I have an ongoing morning routine where I avoid checking my email and spend some time meditating before I get to work. I stuck to the schedule that morning but my ability to actually be present and avoid thinking about the day ahead was completely non-existent.

This feeling is something I’m highly familiar with and when I work with other entrepreneurs and CEO’s, it’s almost always something that’s at the top of their list of “complaints” — feelings of loneliness and an inescapable mental sensation that you’re literally drowning in problems and workload.

Ironically, those same people (myself included) talk about these feelings fondly. Speaking for myself, when I have a ton of shit that I need to get done, I’m anxious beyond belief — but I also have this weird sense of clarity that doesn’t feel too different from being high.

Cus D’Amato was a very well known boxing trainer most famous for training Mike Tyson in his early years. One of the things that D’Amato taught Tyson was that:

“The hero and the coward feel the same thing. But, the hero uses his fear and projects it onto his opponent while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, it’s what you do with it that matters.”

This quote is something that’s had a big effect on me in my life (Ben Horowitz, one of my favorite VC’s and all around people, oddly enough said the same thing in his latest book). In a weird way, it’s helped me to understand why I can long for something that makes me feel so terrible. I’m an anxious guy. I get scared a lot. But I’ve always had a natural ability to use that fear to my advantage. To help it drive me towards my goals and turn it into a motivation rather than a debilitation or weakness. I think it explains why people like me enjoy the pain that comes along with entrepreneurship — because they know that that pain is also their biggest strength.

But here’s where this post will take a very different turn…

Over the past year, I’ve realized how addicted I’d become to these feelings. To put it bluntly, I’ve realized that I’m a workaholic. It’s something I struggle with every day. It forces me to easily rationalize not taking care of myself, avoiding taking the time to be with friends and family, and even not eating for 12+ hours.

I’ll be honest, I’ve sought help for this problem. And, luckily, it has helped. I’ve learned to check in with myself when I get my “workaholic buzz” and make sure that I’m not ignoring the other part of my brain that longs to feel purpose and fulfillment.

Going back to Monday, the old me would’ve kept working non-stop throughout the day. I would’ve not seen daylight and by 7 pm I’d be such an anxious and grumpt wreck that I’d pick a fight with my wife simply because she wanted me to take a break to eat dinner and spend some time with her.

Instead, I got up, left my phone at my desk, and went for a 30 minute walk. The beginning of that walk was PAINFUL AS FUCK. I felt anxious, I couldn’t think about anything but the work that needed to get done, and I was focused on game planning what I would do once I got back to my desk. The second half of the walk, however, was much better. I just enjoyed being alive, and walking down the street on a nice day. Cheesy motivational phrase alert — most things that are worth doing are really uncomfortable to start, but much better when you see them through.

When I finally got back to my desk, I felt like a new person. I was making better decisions, I was more effective, and I was in an all around better mood. That anxiety was still there, but it was channeled in a much healthier way.

I’ve been thinking about writing a post like this for a long time for those of you that struggle with the same issues — because the dichotomy of workaholism is that while these feelings give you incredible strength, they will never allow you to feel fulfilled. That will only come with taking the time to actually enjoy your life. I hope this inspires you to take a little bit better care of yourself today, to take a break, to be grateful for all the things that are awesome in your life. Don’t get me wrong — I know there are days where you have to work until 2 am. Shit, I still have those. But, I’ve also been lucky enough to learn that even on your worst days, there’s always time for a break.

Happy Thursday.