I feel like my brain is a jerk

I’m not the smartest person in the world, but I am relatively smart. Or at least too smart for my own good. A weird thing that happens when you know a bunch of stuff is that your brain has more shit to use against you.

I don’t just mean being socially or politically aware, because of course your brain and heart will use that to make you miserable. Or happy. But usually miserable, because let’s face it, it seems like most of the world (or at least the people we hear about on the news) are terrible. I try not to post my opinions about that stuff anywhere online because I don’t want to be one more person reminding you how terrible shit is. Rest assured I am also afraid and angry about all of it.

But that’s not the kind of “smart” and “aware” I am talking about. I mean when you know “the answers” and then in times of need you reflect on them and your brain is like “Aha! You are accessing your coping mechanisms! You are in a crisis! Crisis crisis crisis! Oh yeah you better take deep breaths. Fuck yes drink some water. You sure are losing it aren’t you?????” Which only makes everything worse until it makes it better (because deep breaths and water do actually make things better eventually).

I feel like my brain is a jerk. Well, sometimes. The rest of the time it is furiously writing notes on paper and objects and the internet, reminding me of what to do in a crisis later. “Cheer the fuck up!” Haha yes, thank you non-jerk brain, I read you loud and clear. I will see you soon when I get back out of this feeling.

We already know what we need most of the time. We know self-care rituals, we know healthy eating habits, we know who to call or what to do when we need extra help. We know all this because we are all smart. But being smart doesn’t mean we’re impervious to the shit. The shit is coming. We just need to remember what we know and gather our tools so we can ride it out.

My life these days is good and busy and it makes me anxious but it’s good-anxious. Remember the happy cry emoticon? That is how I feel a lot lately.

BTW if you are your business, quarterly taxes are due in 5 days. :*) :*) :*)