My 5 Strong Food Opinions

As humans we all love food, that’s a fact. We need to nourish ourselves in order to keep on kickin’. However, the difference comes in which foods or beverages we choose to indulge. Nobody’s taste buds are the same, and preferences vary from person to person. If you’re like me, you have rather strong convictions when it comes to your choice of food and drink. Here are five specific opinions I have about certain foods.

  1. Fiji Water

I’m just going to be blunt, if you exclusively drink Fiji water you think you’re better than everyone else. It’s WATER. Guess what, no matter what the brand it is going to taste the same. Choosing to buy a bottle of water that costs roughly 73 dollars is as snobby as it gets. These types of people would never be caught dead with peasant liquids such as Aquafina or Poland Springs, for that is far beneath them. Allegedly it is more expensive because it is shipped directly from Fiji. Hey who cares. If you’re only able to drink water from Oceanic countries, then I am afraid we cannot be friends.

2. Vanilla Ice Cream

If your favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla you might as well just say you are the most boring person ever. How can that be your favorite?! There are about 90 billion flavors of ice cream that are all light years ahead of vanilla. Saying vanilla is your favorite cream flavor is like saying your favorite alcoholic beverage is Bud Light. You’re preventing your taste buds from pure joy, and I genuinely feel bad for you.

This opinion also holds true for Classic Lays chips.

3. Crunchy Peanut Butter

Get out of my face if you prefer crunchy peanut butter over creamy. What kind of person would put themselves through that kind of torture. Eating a PB&J with crunchy peanut butter is basically eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some rocks in it. It is peanut butter. Adding chunks to it entirely takes away from its buttery nature. I have to imagine that the person who added this maniacal chunky twist to sweet and savory creamy peanut butter had to have had a couple screws loose upstairs. Shame on you if you are a fan of this sadistic spread.

4. Hot Sauce

Hot Sauce makes everything better. You can toss it on a myriad of already delicious foods and it will take it to the next level, giving it that extra kick that it had previously been missing. Pizza, omelets, ribs, mac n’ cheese, the list goes on and on and on. If you’re hesitant to adding hot sauce to your food, you’re simply afraid to live on the wild side and are unfortunately preventing yourself from electric flavor.

5. Well-Done

If you take your steak, burger, or any type of meat well-done you might be an actual insane person. When you tell the waiter or waitress you want your meat well done you’re basically saying, “Yes, please cook the meat to an unnatural level leaving it totally unappealing and barely edible.” Quite frankly, it shouldn’t even be an option, and restaurateurs world-wide should do their part in outlawing this cruel act of meat punishment. When Alfred in The Dark Knight said “Some people just want to watch the world burn,” he was referring to people who order their meat well done.

I’m not saying that if you disagree with these food and drink opinions you have a terrible pallet, I’m just saying that if you agree with me you are probably a very sophisticated consumer.