Because I was forced to be silent so long — I struggle to understand that I have a voice.
Because I was forced to be silent so long — I learned to say things mostly to be heard, not to say anything.
Because I was forced to be silent so long — I get stressed when people ignore, forget or get distracted from what I was saying.
Because I was forced to be silent so long — I stress over keeping lines of communication open because I know it is like for them to be forced shut.
And I am sorry.
I am sorry if my voice says something you don’t agree with or understand, I am still finding it.
I am sorry if I fill your ears just to be heard, but not to say anything.
I am sorry if I bring out years of frustration on you for something small you did.
I am sorry for inane and vapid messages — it’s just to let you know that you matter to me.
But things can change.
And hopefully, either have or are on their way.
So soon there won’t be anything to be sorry for anymore.
That will be a good day.
[written on the 29th of December 2015]