Have you heard the terrifying news? Vaping is killing people!

Here are just a few of the spine-tingling headlines that have made the rounds in recent months, all from the perpetually reliable Washington Post.

“Mystery lung illness linked to vaping. Health officials investigating nearly 100 possible cases”

“Maryland, Virginia among 22 states reporting incidents of vaping-related illness”

“Illinois patient’s death may be first in US tied to vaping”

Scary stuff! Except, the thing all of these articles about the dangers of vaping (and so many more articles just like them) have in common is that, intentionally or not, they leave…

There’s a single word that rules almost everything about professional wrestling. That word is “kayfabe.” Wikipedia defines it as “the portrayal of staged events within the industry as ‘real’ or ‘true’, specifically the portrayal of competition, rivalries, and relationships between participants as being genuine and not of a staged or predetermined nature of any kind.”

The emphasis on that last part is mine.

I bring up kayfabe because I sometimes wonder if that’s what truly lies at the heart of Trump’s “the media is the enemy of the people” gambit.

Does he really believe that? I have no doubt that…

Finally, after months of waiting, my favorite time of year is upon us once again! I’m referring, of course, to baseball season.

While it’s a relatively recent development, baseball is, hands down, my favorite sport and, I’d argue, the absolute best sport. In the past, I would’ve said that about football, but not anymore.

What changed? I don’t know…are you seriously asking? Have you been following the news lately?

If nothing else, transferring my most rabid fandom to baseball will keep me from being rounded up and detained in a morning raid when Trump’s crusade against the NFL reaches it’s…

Fellow Americans! The moment we’ve feared is upon us! Delete those visits to nevertrump.org from your browsing history! Burn your paper copies of the New York Times! Move your printing presses to a secure location!

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been arrested! The end of free speech in the United States is nigh!

Except, not really.

While the arrest was very obviously politically motivated, the details of the single-count indictment against Assange make it clear that, at least for now, our First Amendment rights are still mostly intact. …

Fun Fact: 2.1 million Americans still use dial-up internet. At least that was the case back in 2015, which seems to be the last time anyone checked. That number might be a little lower now, but probably not by much.

The problem is rural broadband access, which is horrible in this country. According to a 2018 Pew Research Center study, 24 percent of Americans living in rural areas say access to high-speed internet is a major problem.

With 19.3 percent of Americans living in rural areas, that means high-speed internet access is a problem for more than 15 million people.

I’ve had the “good fortune” to have been a little ahead of the curve on a few big news stories over the past few years.

For example, I’ve been promising the United States would eventually start frolicking around in Venezuela for way over a year now, and here we are.

It’s not a magic trick. I just read a lot of headlines and have no editorial oversight to stop me from doggedly pursuing my hunches, even if they take years to pan out.

The problem with being early to a story is that by the time the news cycle most…

My New Year’s resolution is going great! Here we are knocking on the door of quarter two of 2019 and I haven’t wavered from it even slightly.

Impressive, I know.

So what’s this resolution? Here you go…

What, did you think I was gonna say I quit drinking or something? I did, actually. Mostly to free up more money to spend on vinyl copies of Mariah Carey albums.

When people learn that I’ve decided to take this journey, they all tend to ask the same question first.

I can’t answer that question. …

Finally! Over the weekend, the findings in the Mueller probe floated gently down to earth, like a meteor that was supposed to destroy the world but ultimately just fucked up a 7–11 a little bit.

What we all wanted was destruction and ruin of Trump, what we got instead was destruction and ruin of our hope for the future.

Except not really. We still haven’t seen the report. All we’ve seen is a letter from William Barr assuring us there’s nothing in the report to worry about, which in and of itself isn’t even true. …

Being a sports fan in the United States is kind of a bummer these days. No matter what your athletic competition of preference may be, you can rest assured there’s an accompanying scandal dragging it down right now.

With the NFL, it’s accusations of racism and epidemic-level head trauma, to the point that watching the Super Bowl is enough to get you accused of supporting both.

The NBA has been dodging accusations of fixing results to meet their desired television outcomes since at least as far back as the 1985 draft, which they 100 percent rigged so Patrick Ewing could…

We always knew cigarettes were bad for us, and we kept smoking anyway. But then we found out tobacco companies were intentionally engineering their products to be more addictive…


“Facebook is the Big Tobacco of emotions.” That’s a thing I just kinda blurted out on a podcast recently because I believe it and it fit with what we were talking about and, most importantly, it sounded cool as shit.

So, imagine my disappointment when I Googled it later and found that I wasn’t the first person to put Facebook’s addiction-based business model in those same terms. If nothing else, I was beat to that point by Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff, who said this while talking to CNBC at the World Economic Forum in Davos this past January.

“I think…

Adam Tod Brown

Owner/Operator/Lead Host at the Unpops Podcast Network. Writer of jokes and articles about politics and sometimes both at the same time.

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