By posting on Medium, I assume the author is open to feedback. Please forgive me if that is not the case.
There is a lot to be said for having relationships with levels of trust and openness that radical candor can be openly and repeatedly expressed and taken by the recipient as a kindness.
But there are limits that a thoughtful provider of feedback should consider before providing feedback:
* The degree of intimacy and trust between the parties. While I may mention to my wife that her hair is out-of-place before taking a picture for our holiday cards, it would be inappropriate to make the same comment to a stranger I was sitting next to on the subway. It’s inappropriate because I would be assuming in the latter case that (a) my assessment that the hair is out-of-place is correct, and not the intended style of the recipient, (b) the recipient is unaware that the hair is out-of-place, © that hair being in-place is important to the recipient, and (d) the recipient is in a state-of-mind to hear the feedback and receive it as an act of kindness.
* The power relationship between the parties. In the #MeToo era, we are all aware of the problems that power imbalances cause. So a manager may not be acting kindly by providing feedback to an employee in certain circumstances, especially where the employee believes they are not on equal footing to discuss and refine the feedback.
* We are all human and do most things imperfectly. The list of imperfections I’ve accumulated just today is as long as my arm. So the provider of feedback should consider just how important the issue is, and whether the issue is part of a pattern that left unaddressed would cause the recipient true harm. A fly left open? That’s worthy of feedback in the appropriate moment. A little dandruff on the shoulder? Maybe see if it happens 3 times before commenting.
* Consider the frame of mind of the recipient. Recently there has been a debate on whether “white lies”, also known as “prosocial lies”, are beneficial. Some research suggests that white lies promote trust between parties. See https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/whats_good_about_lying .
* Sometimes the feedback reflects more on the giver than the receiver. Be sure the feedback isn’t just addressing your pet peeve. The provider should ask whether the feedback would be given by others with a different world view in similar circumstances.
