Who are you?
The change starts at home.
Let’s start with a deep question…How do you see your ‘self’?
My young niece, a jewel at the centre of a family of wonderful people, sees her self simply as “Phoebe”.
Told recently by her besotted Grandma that she was “a pretty little girl” she replied curtly, with little consideration to this supposed compliment “NO Grandma, I am PHOEBE, just Phoebe”.
Phoebe chose not to accept the description being associated with her, not “pretty” or “little” or even a “girl” but she preferred her own neutral term of just “Phoebe”. Needless to say I took great enjoyment from such an interaction, the kind which are so abundant with youngsters learning their place in the world. My love for this little character hit new heights.
Whilst Phoebe is lots of things to us; comedian, niece, (grand)daughter and loveable rebel, her refreshing and simplified view of her 2 year old self led me to contemplate and share my own journey of self discovery
Carl Rogers saw the sense of ‘self’ as an amalgamation of self image, self esteem and an ideal self. It is dynamic and shaped by our relationships and our place in the world. My own learning has taught me that when I’m clear about who I am and how I fit into what’s happening around me, I enhance my ability to be effective, to have agency and to act with purpose. (To hear more on agency and purpose watch the brilliant Esko Reinikainen in the CIH Human Library)
Over several years, I have invested a considerable amount of time and resource in my journey of self discovery through psychotherapy. Of course when you say you have or have had therapy many people will make judgements about what might be ‘wrong’ with you. An understandable but unhelpful assumption to jump to. I have an entirely different view of therapy brilliantly communicated in this video.
It would be considered utterly sensible for someone to visit a physiotherapist to understand why their body is functioning in a particular way. Yet unfortunately, our prudish societal norms mean people get squirmy when we consider therapy as an intervention to help understand our relationship with the world. I’m comfortable with this. My motivation for starting therapy and my retained goal has always been for deeper self knowledge on the basis that if I can be a better version of me, for myself, I will be a better version for others and therefore more likely to lead an impactful and rewarding life.
Of course this approach will not be for everyone but whatever method is most comfortable, identifying who we are and what we want from life is a powerful exercise to complete. My investment has grown my capacity to challenge myself and enabled me to engage more openly with experiences I might previously have thought were beyond me.
In order to make sense of who we are and how we fit in a society desperate to neatly box us up, we regularly accept labels and definitions. I am a son, an introvert, a Bradford City fan, a housing professional, a thinker, a northerner, a leader, a coffee snob. I am all of this. But I am just Adam, no better or worse than anyone else but uniquely and authentically Adam.
The greater understanding I have developed of my ‘self’ has enabled me to engage more fully with my purpose and the acceptance of who I am has made my life… well, just easier.
So back to the inspiration for this introspective, Phoebe. Like her, afford yourself space to be authentically you, don’t let others define you in terms you’re uncomfortable with. The take away challenge, contemplate what it means to be ‘authentically you’. You will be brilliant.
