Years Ago, My Inebriated Friend Tried To Kiss Me. Was This Sexual Harassment?
I remember, it was after secondary school, before we went off to Uni. I was bored. Truly, we all were. So, my friend texted me. Or I texted him, I can’t remember. It’s been about four years. We made plans with others, we went to a café, had some drinks. I had orange juice, I don’t drink.
I remember them teasing me, saying that I should mix my orange juice and Orijin together. But, I declined. I don’t drink. But, I watched him drink. Himself and my other friends, while I sipped on my glass of orange juice which I paid for.
Soon, we were done. We took an elevator to another shop in the mall. I can’t particularly remember where, but it was probably to buy something. In that elevator, with my tipsy friend. He told me he’s always liked me. And then, he leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away very fast, before his lips could lock mine. That’s some Hollywood shit. It felt very odd. The elevator doors opened and we walked out.
I blamed it on the drink, and thought about it a lot while we walked to the nearest motor park and headed our separate ways. I probably forgot about the entire event after this. Myself and this friend, we don’t talk as much and it’s not even because of what happened. We just grew apart, honestly. But, I do realize now, that what happened was sexual harassment.
It was unwanted and unsolicited. He did not ask me before he leaned in and assumed I would kiss him back. We were not ‘talking’ or in any form of non-platonic relationship. (not that it matters) But, still, he leaned in and tried to kiss me. Without My Consent. Without sugarcoating it, that was sexual harassment. Unfortunately, I can’t recall if he apologized or not. Not that it matters because, this isn’t really about him.
I wrestled with myself on posting this. It’s been in my draft, for months. Why? Well, one could say that we were young and hadn’t fully grasped the meaning of consent. And, I do understand that. However, it doesn’t really change what it was. Was I traumatized? Not really, because although it felt odd at the time it happened, I didn’t really understand the gravity. In my head, he was only trying to play Romeo to a very wrong Juliet. But, it still doesn’t change what it was.
This is not to undermine anyone’s experiences in any manner, and how they choose to tell their story. Sexual harassment is a serious issue and I take it very seriously.
The point of this is, if it were 2019, I definitely would have told him to his face what it was. Consent is very important, even in non-platonic or budding relationships. It’s not ‘cute’ or ‘romantic’ to be kissed without being on the same page. There’s nothing romantic about a sexual harassment law suit, or being a predator. You do not know what’s going on inside people’s heads. So, you need to ask. Being drunk is absolutely no excuse. You’re responsible for your own lack of judgment, not the influence.
Always ask. If you receive an express affirmation, proceed. You can not imply affirmation, because you might be wrong. If not, do not proceed, and don’t take it as permission to ask again. Ask, even if you’re in a relationship. People have different boundaries and your doing something of that nature, which the other doesn’t want is absolutely sexual harassment.
I wish the world would talk about consent, in teen and pre-teen settings too. It’s like we believe that the issue of consent doesn’t exist, before University. This might be a rude awakening but, many persons would have had their first kiss by the time they are sixteen. Yes, even in this part of the world. So, it’s super important to include teenagers in the gospel of consent.
Remember folks and teens, consent is cool, and this applies to every gender.
