The One Question That Changed My ADHD Journey Forever
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” -Aristotle
I have always struggled with self-care. I have always struggled with being consistent with…well…anything. I have always put everyone else and their needs first on the list and have always had a hard time putting myself on that list. Classic ADHD. If you know, you know.
ADHD can sometimes feel like you’re running through a maze with blindfolds on. You’re blindly trying to make your way through life, haphazardly getting some stuff done and not getting stuff done without any sort of structure or routine. Bursts of hyperfocus are amazing when they strike but when they don’t, it can be like walking through quicksand. ADHD is like being immersed in a world of paradoxes.
I’ve sought out help for my ADHD in various forms, one of which is ADHD coaching. Session after session, I would bring a topic to the table like, “I just can’t seem to get into the habit of…(insert healthy habit here).” I would explore that specific topic and inevitably what would come up was my resistance to someone or something telling me what I should do combined with my deep desire to do it. Again…paradox times 100! It was a familiar dance that never seemed to go anywhere until one fateful coaching session with a brilliant colleague and friend. During that session, a simple but life-changing tool was born.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t ‘fixed’ my ADHD nor have I found the secret solution to every ADHD challenge. What I have done, though, is found a tool that I can rely on to help me remember and focus on what matters every single day. This question has revolutionized how I navigate life with ADHD. It’s not a fancy tool or a complex planner. It’s not a new app or a book to read and it won’t cost you a thing. And if you’ve spent as much money as I have on these kinds of things, you’ll probably be breathing a huge sigh of relief.
So, what is this tool, you may be asking? Well, it’s just one simple phrase:
“How will I show up for myself today?”
Asking myself his simple question every morning has flipped my perspective and transformed how I walk through the world with ADHD.
Here’s how:
Prioritizing Myself
Living with ADHD can mean that it’s SO easy to get swept up in the chaos of life, putting everyone else’s needs before your own. That to-do list can seem SOOOO long and often, if not always, your name ain't on there! But, when I started waking up every morning asking myself “How will I show up for myself today?”, everything changed.
This question is such a great reminder that I’m worthy of care and attention. It encourages me to prioritize my well-being. Whether it’s scheduling that much-needed downtime, indulging in a creative pursuit that I love or sitting down to write another chapter of the book that I’m working on, this question puts me back at the center of my life.
Structure Meets Freedom
For me, living with ADHD has been all about finding that sweet spot between structure and flexibility. This question has given me the ability to strike the perfect balance between routine and freedom. It has allowed me to scratch the itch of allowing myself to go with the flow and balance that with the structure I need to get important stuff done. Instead of rigid plans that usually lead to rebellion and overwhelm, I now carve out a daily intention based on my needs for that day.
Today might be the day I tackle my to-do list, or perhaps it’s a good day for a cozy movie marathon with popcorn. Whatever it is, this simple question gives me the freedom to adapt my day, honour my feelings and balance that with the things I should and need to get done.
Building a Deeper Connection
When I started the daily practice of asking myself this simple question every morning, I stumbled upon an added bonus. By tuning in and asking how I will show up for myself, I create this really cool feedback loop that reminds me of my own importance. It has pushed me to pay attention to what truly matters to me, peeling back all those layers of “shoulds,” self-doubt, and the external noise or others’ expectations. This practice has not only helped me discover what I genuinely want and need, but it’s also fostered a beautiful sense of self-reflection. It’s like getting a front-row seat to my emotional landscape — understanding what lights me up and what just doesn’t vibe with me.
And when I truly show up for myself, I just seem to have MORE. More energy, more compassion, more patience and more kindness — for myself and others. It has turned into this cool and beautiful cycle; the more I nurture myself, the more I can help others.
Now, as an ADHD Coach, I firmly believe that every person’s ADHD journey is unique to them so I don’t offer this as a panacea for all ADHD woes. I think every person with ADHD needs to find solutions that work for them. And this is something that has worked for me. If you’re game, give it a go and notice what happens. It may be nothing or it may just be the gateway to making your life with ADHD just a little bit easier.
**Want to learn more about how I’m learning how to navigate my ADHD diagnosis and how I’m finding my own empowered solutions? Sign up for my 5-day “Authentically ADHD” email series! Get the emails HERE!