“Sometimes, the seemingly most cowardly acts have the boldest intents. But unfortunately, only the acts are seen, judged and the intents get clouded”
Sadly, she knows this heroic philosophical thought is just her attempt to make peace with herself.
Letting him go was the toughest decision she had taken. Decision that was right for him for very wrong reasons and possibly wrong for her for many right reasons. How could she have possibly made him understand why leaving him was the only offering she had in response to his immense love & passion? How could she have told him that he could have become her Mr. Right but she just couldn’t have been his perfect Lady Love? How could she have made him believe that this was not out of lack of love but the presence of purest form of it?
She had put up a coward face of being emotionally dysfunctional, of going by head over heart. But the bravely fought melee within was always about the strongest emotions. He had said, not being together would be the regret in future. How could she have convinced him that this regret is something she can live with but can’t bear the regret of being together and hurting him?
Burdened with guilt and unknown fear now she desperately attempts to resurrect her wounded soul. It is not easy. It is un-conventional and most of all never understood by anyone.His hurt and pain will always be justified. It will have a tag of a broken heart. It will be tended with sympathies and in time it will be healed when he meets his love again. But no one will ever know or understand the excruciating pain in the broken corner of her heart which she will have to bear like a pin prick for years to come without even her future love, if any, realising it needs healing. This pricking pain and guilt will be her retribution cloud and the strength acquired after enduring this pain will be his silver lining.
All said and done, she will always be guilty of breaking his heart and no amount of radical perception can change that naked truth. She will always be spoken as being fickle & selfish and he will always be respected for his actions inspired from this unfathomable force of love.In time to come, things will fall in place and in his happy song, hopefully she will find the notes of her solace.
But for now, universe is with him. There are heroic legends, there are songs and even fellow travellers with him to move on. But for her, there is only her own shadow. There is broken heart, misplaced dreams and broken faith for her to hold on.