My Best Friend and I — A history
It was the first day of college, as you would imagine it was exciting, scary and a little overwhelming. Exciting because I was going to meet new people, scary because I thought I would never make friends (after being stuck to my girl group from school for twelve whole years) and overwhelming because I overthink. I entered class, happened to bump into one familiar face and finally decided to sit in the first bench. I just wanted to pay enough attention so that I wouldn’t have to go home and study much. I remember being extremely talkative, the total opposite of who I am today, when I say today I mean twenty seventeen and college happened nine years ago, back in two thousand and eight.
There weren’t many interesting kids I met, however, I engaged in conversation with a couple of people around me. I looked around class to see if there were any good looking boys. Well, I happened to notice two, one MY definition of good looking and the other who seemed cute and friendly, I don’t know what I just meant by that but, yeah!
By now, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this, but let me give you a little background before we move ahead, I was one of those strange kids, who would end up talking to someone because I found them interesting and in about two weeks just back off and move on with my life just because I didn’t feel like talking to them anymore. I don’t know why I did that, but I did that with quite a few people.
Two weeks into college, you remember the cute and friendly guy I spoke about before? I called him friendly because he would smile at me every time I entered class, even after break time, so I decided to finally be nice and say Hello! Before we knew it we were friends, he asked me for my phone number during Hindi class and in no time the cute and friendly boy told me that he liked me. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was dating someone else, this time everything seemed different I wanted to back off and move on and be the ‘’strange person’’ I always was but I just couldn’t, in spite of being with someone else I wanted to hang out with the cute and friendly boy, wait let’s give him a name, let’s call him Loomis. We continued being friends, also because maybe we couldn’t really stop talking to each other because we were in the same class. We hung out a lot too, even more than the amount I hung out with the guy I was dating. We became great friends, what I mean by ‘great friends’ is that Loomis was the only friend I could hang out with and never feel strange. For the first time, I didn’t want to back off. A year had gone by and every day, Loomis would tell me how he felt about this relationship and how much it meant to him that someone understood how he felt, someone he could finally open up to. I felt the exact same. We grew so much in this relationship because we could finally speak about how strange and secretly lonely we both were. We had our interests in place. He played guitar and I sketched to feel alive but we were lost in our own separate spaces, we hadn’t felt this liberated in any relationship.
Soon, the guy I was dating started getting insecure and made me feel like I was not doing the right thing and that I was making the wrong choices. He didn’t want me to talk to Loomis anymore, he even threatened to breakup with me because I chose to talk to Loomis. Everything started becoming extremely toxic, I started going back to becoming strange because I couldn’t talk to Loomis as often as I did, but I never stopped, he was still the friend that I never had. Soon we had to stop talking to each other, I didn’t know who to give up and at that point I thought by choosing my boyfriend I was doing the right thing. Loomis and I didn’t talk for about seven months. He called me in between, when he was on a holiday at 2am and told me how much he missed me but we still chose not to speak.
A year later, I finally managed to break up with my boyfriend and get him completely out of my life, one of the most complicated parts of being in a college relationship. It took me a long time to get out of being in a relationship that was hard to deal with especially for someone like me who is extremely sensitive and anxious. I decided to call Loomis and hang out once again and we did. It somehow felt different, I didn’t know what it was. I felt extremely confused, I just didn’t feel the way I used to feel the way I used to feel with him before. He was the same, very kind, friendly and sweet, but, I couldn’t handle it. I became that strange person that I was with everyone else. I wanted to back off yet again. The person who seemed to have gotten me over the ‘’two week’’ theory was the one I was using the theory on this time. I stopped talking to him, he was hurt.
I didn’t realize I was hurting him, it was my anxiety that didn’t let me get close to the one that possibly help me come out of it for a while. Fortunately, I slowly got out of my shell three months later. However, Loomis never called, he didn’t want to get hurt anymore. It was October 2012, his birthday was on the ninth. On the eighth I decided to do something, I didn’t know if it was stupid but I knew it had to be done, at least for a few seconds of sanity. I sent him a message, a long one, a message that read:
I know you probably don’t trust me or you,
think I’m texting you just because it’s your birthday tomorrow.
I was too scared to call. I’ve been mean to you, when you’ve been
The only one that has been with me through happiness and sorrow.
If I lose you as a friend now, I can be assured I
Will never find a friend like you ever again.
You will be my best friend now and forever.
I don’t expect you to respond, but you know that’s true.
He called me ten minutes later. We spoke about our issues for six hours that night. I met him, we spent his whole birthday together at our favourite bar, over a couple of beers.
Today we’re best friends, it’s been nine whole years and nothing has come in the way since