Living In My Room
The Only place I knew that was safe
I used to do all things that I knew in my room. Painting, playing and watching cartoons nonstop.
Never thought of it as a disadvantage.
But when I went outside it seemed much noisy, chaotic and uncertain. Being in the room was fun and more enjoyable, which made me to create and explore more on my own.
But it will or it won’t cause you to be trapped.
Who doesn’t like to have control?
We all do, right?
I was lost in my thoughts, and then it occurred. What if I am avoiding going out? It made me wonder, the days I spent alone, all that time not seeing the outer world, people and seeing a different perspective.
Was it not my fear of losing control over situations, people and what not?
I agree it was.
Everyone likes to be in control and to be certain.
We have this fear because of the things we were never told, like “do things only when you are certain of the result”, “Always do the right thing and do it perfectly”.
All these sayings conditioned me to always be right, in control and certain. Rarely a person says about the things he/she/they failed because this makes them look down. And when they achieved something now they are looked like a higher and intelligent one and even talked about their failures as a stepping stone.
So, being on the safe side, we make stories for ourselves that can trap us in the cage, which we think isn’t one cage. Anyone can create a story to be certain.
We cann’t control anything unless you are playing a racing game or RPG, only the actions, not the story and outcome.
The time that I created a story in my mind to be in the room. It not only gave me a beautiful fantasy to be in, but I also became less included in social activities outside.
The room, the internet and the fantasy broke the second I really observed my surroundings, watching everyone going their way, and observing my thoughts at the moment which was as chaotic as the outside world.
Doing this allowed me to be more self-aware and observant. And I read many articles about self-awareness.
The Outside World (Observation).
Stepping out was difficult, and it can be uncertain.
But to explore, the ship needs to sail, in the storm and from the deck to find things, to have new experience and perspective.
Who knows, it can raise a thought in your mind?
The fear of being a lost, uncertain and embarrassed one stopped me. But nothing is stopping me from doing things, Only I am the Attacker and Defender.
To come out of the loop, I sat alone and observe the things in my mind. Seeing the reflection of the things I feed on like the content, environment, company, series, movies, cartoons, music, game, novels, articles……..all of these are our friends.
If I want to change I’ll seek help and try, and if I don’t then The ships Captain is in the dream of his/ her/ their Fantasy loop.