All Aboard The Horny Train!

“I see it everywhere. It’s all around me. The minute I walk
by. Just the smell of my pheromones exciting their most
basal, carnal urges. The dirty smiles, the incessant lip
smacking. I look in the mirror half hoping to find a French
fry staring back at me. But no, It’s just me. “
She had just typed this out on her phone to post it on her
blog, when a man walked in. He had made eye contact with
her, the moment he stepped in. He was a young man. Carrying
a backpack, wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt with the
name of a band, Tesseract. His gait was one of hurriedness
and burden, but his face had a type of calmness to it. The
type that is usually the effect of cannabinoids. He moved
quickly to the back of the compartment. His sole intention
was to look not creepy. He didn’t like the design of the
local trains. There was no privacy here.
“I think this guy behind me is undressing me with his eyes.
I just know it. “ She wrote.
He was taking his backpack off and sitting down. He caught
her eye and turned away, rather abruptly. He felt like an
idiot! Now she would think that he was checking her out; or
staring at the very least. He contemplated getting off the
train and waiting for the next train. Why did she turn? Was
she scared? All these thoughts! When he realized this was
the last train he decided to calm down, stay and quietly
suffer the misery of her bad impression of him.
“I knew it! At least he had the decency to turn away
immediately. I wonder what their obsession with the female
body is. God! Indian men are such creeps! But it’s not like
the men abroad are any better. All men are animals, some
wilder than others.”
Meanwhile, our friend has been stewing in his misery and
has finally decided to forgive himself. He musters the
courage to look around the train and notices the woman. He
marveled at her confidence for traveling this late, alone.
He concluded that she would have very interesting stories
to tell as such a fiercely independent woman. All by
staring at the back of her head.
“If I have to “avoid” any nonsense, I have to either depend
on a friend to drop me all the way home. Or stay at a
friends place. Or make sure I get home before 9. I don’t
get it. If that were to happen, in India, all the bars
would become gay bars after 9. I figured it out! It’s all
part of some large homosexual agenda!”
The train stopped and a group of college kids walked in.
There was a girl and 4 boys. Their faces echoed relief and
happiness. Maybe because they were able to sneak a night
out without their parents knowing. They were joking about
an incident that had occurred earlier. They were being loud
and boisterous. The guys were trying their best to make the
girl laugh. One guy was succeeding.
“She thinks she’s being so smart. If she doesn’t put out
soon, they’ll take her. She thinks guys can be friends.
Poor thing. Doesn’t realize they can’t think with an
erection. And guys are always erect. “
Our friend looked at the group too. He remembered nights
when he would sneak out. He felt old for a second. Slowly
but surely he came to the conclusion that age was a state
of the mind. He thought about innocence. How it’s such a euphemism for stupidity. That ignorance is bliss. As he
went down this stream of consciousness that reeked of self-
aggrandizing self-pity, the train stopped again.
“A train stop where no one gets into your compartment is
the best thing for a woman travelling alone at night, in
India.”
She tweeted.
“There are times when I honestly feel like most women don’t
understand the feminist movement. Any movement cannot be
just noise. If there’s a system, you have to play it,
understand it and fight it from within. That’s why Hilary
Clinton and Sheryl Sandberg can claim to have done a lot
for women. Not Deepika Padukone with a stupid video. It’s
systematic. “ She updated her blogpost.
As the train stopped at the penultimate stop, our friend
noticed that the group of kids got out. He wanted to find a
way to assure the woman that he was harmless. He cringed
thinking back to that moment when he had entered. As the
train was about to leave, a rather old man entered the
compartment. He walked swiftly to her seat adjacent.
“This creepy old man just walked in and sat on the seat
next to mine. He smells funny. The entire compartment is
empty but he had to choose this one. He looks like a
cretin. Like a creature from Lord of the Rings. A little
monster.”
“OMG OMG OMG OMG! This man next to me is masturbating on
the train!”
“He sat on the seat just next to mine and proceeded wank
off!”
“I know I’m not supposed to react but he’s staring right at
me! I feel violated right now!”
“@feminist_warrior124 I swear! If I had the weapons I would
do everything you just suggested. “
“@anaticoy Thanks for that! I’ll need at least 5000 cat
gifs before I can get this picture out of my head!”
“undeniable_logic42 I'm trying to not take my eyes off the
phone! I can't be giving him attention, forget taking his
picture!!”
“@baconalia69 You ignorant, backward fool! FYI I’m wearing
a chudidhar”
“@manishmanohar Yeah! I don’t think I can take public
transport again! I’ll call you when the train stops”
The train came to a slow stop at the end of the line. The
old man rushed out of the compartment. He made eye contact
with our friend and was surprised that there was someone
else in the compartment. He thought the old man had to pee
because he was in such a great hurry. He noticed the woman
was visibly upset and talking on the phone. He made eye
contact with her and she looked away with disgust before
storming off. He knew it! She thought he was a creep.