Importance of Focusing on The Now, Not on Yesterday

Today is quite a difficult day for me. Actually, this whole month has been particularly difficult. I’ve been riding an emotional rollercoaster nonstop. It has taken me from the deepest lows of despair to tiny mole hills of mental and emotional clarity. Then it takes me back to an even deeper sea of gloom and stops me from focusing on the now.
The different parts of my brain are having a field day within. Some parts say, “Get up and do something productive.” Some others say, “Stop whining… get out of this gloomy state.” Others say, “It’s okay, you are depressed, but you’ve been here before. Just go with your flow as much as you can.” And finally, there is this totally compassionate part of me that says, “Just stay there. Yes, right there where you are. Don’t move. Don’t think. Don’t make any effort. Just stay.”
Who should I listen to? What should I do? If I keep going this way, I will be perpetuating my own torture. I will stop being kind to myself. In fact, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing these past few days: Not being nice to myself. And I’m tired, oh, so tired of not being nice to myself!
Focusing on The Now, Not on Yesterday
After a long debate and internal battle, I have decided to listen to that compassionate part of me. The part that wants me to stay still; to not move or think or do anything else.
I need to decrease the power that old feelings and fears have over me now. I have realized that if I keep fighting my feelings and fears, I won’t decrease their power. The only way I have to decrease it is surrendering.
Surrendering? How can surrender bring me out of this gloomy state?
To the “victory-hungry” mind, this step might seem self-defeating. But, to the mind that seeks rest and peace, it is an authentic path to survival.
Let me clarify this. Have you heard of “living in the now or present moment”? I am sure you have. It is like a coined phrase that aims to help people leave the past behind by enjoying what life is offering now. Nothing more.
This “focusing on the now, not on yesterday” is quite an interesting concept. But, I’ve discovered that it works differently when one is depressed. Why? Because the present moment for the depressed person is this one of oppressive gloom! In my case, it is now that I am depressed, lack energy, and my mind is totally muddled. It is not yesterday, it is not tomorrow. It is right now, at this very moment.
Surrender to Focus on The Now
If I surrender to how I feel right now, I stop feeding energy into my self-defeating thoughts and actions. I know I am depressed. I am aware of the heaviness in my heart. I know I cannot move. But, if I continue to try to force myself to “act normal,” I will be resisting the thoughts going around in my head. By resisting them, I actually feed them with renewed energy. An energy that allows them to continue to torment me.
So, by surrendering, I take the energy away from them.
Let’s look at this from a different angle. What happens when a child is throwing a tantrum and screaming at the top of his lungs? Do you try to stop the child from screaming by ordering him to shut up, or do you engage in a screaming contest?
It has been shown that by not engaging in the screaming contest we get better results. The child calms down and is better able to tell us what caused the tantrum in the first place.
The same is true with raging and self-defeating thoughts in our heads. The more we try to fight them, the more stubborn they become, and the more they torment us. By surrendering to their cacophony, I actually take a step back and stop feeding them energy.
My surrendering to my present state of mind means that I let the feelings in. I observe them in silence, without labeling them, and without any judgment either. I simply pay attention to how they behave within me. What do I feel inside? Where in my body do I feel it? What is the message?
Focusing on The Now to Hear The Message
Today, for example, the message is, “Stop. Don’t move. Don’t force yourself to have a ‘normal day.’ Just stay still.” When I hear this message, I realize that I am very, very tired. I need to stay still and rest. I need to be with me. I need to focus on my now, not on yesterday. And my now, my present moment, is one of deep gloom.
To many people, the importance of focusing on the now means concentrating on the beauty and great possibilities of this specific day. To me, in the middle of my depression, it means to focus on how I am feeling, and not how I should be feeling. It means to be present with myself and what is going on inside. And if being present means staying put, then that is what I need to do. I need to be nice to myself by surrendering to the pain.
Because, let’s face it, a lot of people rush to live “in the now” so that they can enjoy every minute of the day. Yet, by doing this, they lose precious contact with themselves and their inner wisdom.
At the end of the day, if I don’t rush to “live in the collective now,” there is still tomorrow. That is the importance of focusing on my now. That tomorrow brings a whole new set of possibilities and ‘nows.’ Today, “My now” is to stay with my feelings and rest.
How About You?
Have you had days like this? What does your “Now” feel like when you are depressed? Share in the comments below! 🙂
Originally published at www.artisanoflight.com on July 27, 2017.