I’m doing this because my brother is doing it too.

Wow. The tables have turned. The student becomes the teacher. Such irony. But back to the point.

I’m doing this because my brother is and in the last week I’ve had the ability to see what my life could become. I’ve been student teaching full time since January 5th, and this is the most exhausted I’ve ever been. Part of it is because the job is demanding—I’m on all day, and let’s be honest, I’m not even giving 100% right now because my CT (cooperating teacher) is still teaching the majority of the lessons. But I’ve been a guidance counselor, a surrogate mother, a referee, a nurse, and a teacher all in the span of eight hours. I’m also tired because I can’t find a way to leave school at school.

Sometimes taking work home is inevitable—lesson plans and finding mentor texts and Pinterest. I get it. Sometimes it’s just excessive. I oftentimes find myself obsessing over every little thing I do in the classroom. What if (insert student’s name here) does this tomorrow? Was there a way I could have answered (student’s) question differently? Why did I pack Chex Mix when I knew that I really wanted Doritos?

It’s a lot.

I have a Type A personality, which has toned down over the last five years, but I still stress easily. I want everything to be perfect—need it to be perfect, but when you work with the tiny humans you know that they’ll ruin a plan in a minute. Someone decides to do a split on the carpet. Surprise! We have a field trip this week; where are the permission slips!

Again—I say, LORDT.

I’ve never felt so stressed. So overwhelmed.

Writing helps. I have a lot of feelings and a lot of ideas but I have trouble verbally communicating my thoughts. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, so here I am. Writing again. Writing to keep my sanity. Writing to make sure that I have something that makes me feel like Adrianna. Not Ms. Barnes.

The next entry will make more sense. I promise.

Maybe. Who knows.