Life on Antidepressants

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For nearly two years now, I’ve been taking brain-altering little white pills daily. The little white pills are called Lexapro. I was prescribed them for my anxiety, depression and insomnia. A cure-all pill, if you will. Sounds like magic, doesn’t it? Take the little white pill and you’ll become a super human!

Wrong.

The pills worked amazing at first. I could tell the difference. I was finally able to go out into the world and not focus on how strangers looked at me. I could say thank you to the barista at Starbucks without overthinking, “Should I just say ‘thanks’, or maybe ‘thank you’, what about ‘thanks! have a good day!’?” I used to never say anything at all. The world had become so much more open now that my mind wasn’t fogged by all my mental disorders.

But they are not gone. I still get panic attacks. Anxiety attacks. I still wake up at 3AM. 4AM. Some days I struggle to get out of bed because my depression just doesn’t want to function. The disorders take over again. They continue to cycle back. It’s a constant battle with myself.

But, your disorder is not your identity; it’s just a part of who you are.

You are who you are with your anxiety, or depression, or whatever you may be suffering from. There’s a need to accept this as part of you but to also understand that getting it under control doesn’t make you any less of who you are. With or without an antidepressant, I still wake up every day as myself, and there is no way to get out of doing that. You get one life, antidepressants or not, don’t let the mental condition push you away from living.

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