doleful doledrums

Sometimes, things are so very simple; it takes some kind of an effort to understand them. Especially when it comes to feelings, people tend to overthink so very much; it takes a double effort on their part to see a spade as a spade, nothing more nothing less. He did not love her, and that was that. What she could have done, she did not do. She could have not wasted millions of minutes overthinking, analyzing, overpreparing, and contemplating; she could have just moved on. Instead, she chose to mull. And overmull she did. As much as the fleshy labyrinths, waves and sinews inside her mind cried out loud for being worn and torn due to overuse and misuse, she kept on thinking.

She did achieve something out of all of this; she spoke less and lesser out of weariness, because speaking would require the wear and tear of not only her brain muscles, but also the throat. She thought it was best if she did not speak unless it was an absolute necessity, like saying “there is a queue” or “fuck your balls off” or just a simple “do not have change for 7.5 bucks” Of course, her sincerity was overtly helpful when it came to earning a paycheck per month, so it was suffice to say that she did not have much to worry about as long as it was about talent, or a career or bathing a pet on a Sunday, or saving for a marriage. All she worried about was something that deep down inside did not need no worrying, because deep down inside, she knew he did not love her; therefore, in a strangely comical and complicated way, she was very well aware of the fact that she was, basically, wasting her worry.

Humans waste so much; food, money (although THAT is hugely debatable and highly relative) talent, potential (technically impossible; if you have potential/talent you are not wasting it by not putting it to good use; again, by inhaling insane amounts of dope and just tripping off the colours on the screen of a switched on/off TV or going meticulously through one’s own folders in one’s personal laptop or googling one’s own name again and again or trying to bake butter cookies with leftover margarine; point being, talent is not getting wasted, it is simply not being used to earn money or appreciation or both or to incite enviable amounts of jealousy in other people who ma/may not be that talented)

This seems relevant now. I had a dream last night. While I was living through this dream, I felt an essence of something that I thought I had left far behind, since its been a whole of three full years. but then, when you experience a feeling in your dreams, you find this similarity that your gut identifies as something you have already felt, you know you haven’t quite left that feeling far behind. It has stayed within you, no matter what.

Posted by dreamy at 1:03 PM 8 comments:

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