So, oh so much of this speaks volumes of truth about our personal responsibility as women to own our actions. That’s my life’s mantra. Own it. Stand in the fire, defend your words and actions. If you can’t, don’t do it. It’s funny because it’s only really since I had to regrow my live 8 years ago (Vioxx killed it) and stopped drinking for nealry 5 years that really had to, with clarity and full responsibility, own my actions with men. That’s when I had to make the clear choice, yes or no, sleep with him or not, and it was usually always not, when in my previous single life it would have been why not? Have fun?! (usually hot drummer, stripper or waiter, don’t ask me why, that’s just how the data reads on retrospect). Now I can sense when a meeting has taken the turn from professional to personal and there’s no going back.
I would like to add, maybe now’s the time for some etiquette updates. In tech especially, I’ve found a number of guys who are clueless on reading emotional cues. And while we could lay the responsibility on them to learn to read our body language, our minds, and generally know that we are interested because its supposedly obvious, how about we come up with some basic lines, and send out a memo so everyone is on the same page.
“That was inappropriate.”
“I’m not interested.”
“I would like to keep our dealings strictly professional.”
or if snark is more your style:
“Did you think that line was going to work? It didn’t. It won’t. So don’t do that again.”
The point is, so many of us, myself included, have gone through life brushing it off, and not SAYING anything, that to the clueless (not the morally reprehensible pickup artist douchebags) they aren’t registering it as inappropriate they register it as a miss. Not a foul. See the point? It’s like dog training. You have to in the moment correct the behavior. Otherwise, context is lost. So ladies, we should make a pact, 100 days of radical honesty and teachable moments. No more brushing it off. What do you say?