Onwards and Upwards — Manifesto to My Life

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is a question that echoes in our memories from childhood. While my peers readily exclaimed, “Firefighter! President! Doctor! Policeman!” with unwavering enthusiasm, I found myself hesitating, unable to match their excitement. Perhaps I didn’t grasp the question’s depth, or perhaps I simply aimed to be honest with myself; after all, can a 6-year-old truly fathom the intricacies of a profession?

Throughout my life, various forms of this question continued to resurface: “What is your dream?” “What is your passion?”. Each time, I drew a blank. I became increasingly frustrated with my inability to wholeheartedly commit to a singular aspiration or dream. In pursuit of answers, I sought inspiration from societal portrayals of passionate individuals — those who lose sleep over their interests, dedicating day and night to their passions. Whenever I measured myself against this idealized notion, I fell short. The quest to discover my passion took a permanent real estate in my mind, even influencing my choice of passwords, which I changed to “PassionSearch”, to serve as a constant reminder of its paramount importance.

So, have I finally found the answer to the question that was posed to me over two decades ago? The simple answer is no. However, I have come to realize that I might have been asking myself the wrong question all along.

The following sections of this article delve into my journey of redefining the question that truly matters in life, and it unveils a corresponding manifesto that highlights my mission. I hope this exploration will captivate and intrigue you, providing moments of introspection and stimulus.

First 3 Phases: Conformity, Curiosity, Intentionality

1st Phase: Conformity

From an early age through high school, the primary characteristic that defined my life was conformity — the act of adhering to a set of rules prescribed by various authority figures, whether they were my parents or teachers. In many ways, this conformity was necessary, as it served as a protective shield against potentially harmful behavioral patterns that adolescents are susceptible to due to the malleability of their developing brains. Behavioral patterns established from a young age are notoriously difficult to change, as evidenced by the significant challenge of breaking long-standing habits rooted in childhood.

Growing up in a household with working parents meant that I had limited quality time with my family due to their demanding careers. Perhaps I prioritized the warmth of familial bonds over exploring my personal interests. Consequently, I did not exhibit a strong desire to pursue any particular materialistic goals, leading my parents to conform to societal expectations of child-rearing by enrolling me in extracurricular activities and sports. This reality further reinforced the notion that my life was to be shaped by external influences — dictated by my parents and structured by societal norms and educational institutions.

As I approached the end of high school and transitioned to university, I was granted more creative freedom to explore my curiosities. While I still adhered to mandatory subjects such as language, science, and mathematics, I had the opportunity to delve into other areas of interest like carpentry, film studies, and pottery. Yet, in the ongoing struggle between conformity and curiosity, the former continued to exert a significant influence. My inclination to “do as I was told” had become deeply ingrained in my mindset, leading to a persistent reluctance to invest substantial energy in nurturing my interests. Every new endeavor I embarked upon seemed transitory, always reverting to the established social norm.

I found myself following the well-trodden path taken by most of my peers after high school graduation — applying for and attending a university. Still, as I compiled my applications and penned my essays, a nagging question lingered in my mind: “What is the true purpose of attending university?” and “Why should I pursue higher education?”

2nd Phase: Curiosity

Staying true to my diverse interests and unanswered questions, I decided to apply to universities across different concentrations, such as math, engineering, science, and health. However, I ultimately chose a new field with which I had no prior familiarity: business/commerce. The subsequent four years at university brought about a refreshing change of pace, affording me the opportunity to explore an even wider array of interests with greater freedom of choice. While there were required courses within my chosen concentration, every class and interaction offered fresh perspectives, given my newfound exposure to the field. It was truly fascinating to delve into the purpose of business and its various functions, such as accounting, finance, and HR, alongside exploring courses in natural science, computer science, and economics. The time and flexibility granted to me allowed for a deeper understanding of which courses resonated more with me and which did not.

My internship opportunities also mirrored the diversity of my interests. At the start of university, I had the opportunity to be a door-to-door salesman for a residential painting company and a procurement intern for an engineering & construction firm. As I progressed through university and my interests aligned more closely with the field of finance and economics, my roles shifted closer towards the field, working as a summer intern for structured finance, investment banking, power & utilities, and venture capital. Each presented fascinating opportunities and how capital is mobilized within the economy.

Centered on finance and economics, I continued to explore different subjects until my graduation, including topics like sustainability, climate science, food science, and real estate. It was intriguing to witness my peers pursue singular career goals and tailor their profiles accordingly — Finance to Investment Banking, Marketing to Brand Management, and so forth. Often, their decisions appeared influenced by the perceived monetary potential of a career. While my peers focused on interview preparation and job recruitment, my mind grappled with another question: “What is the true purpose of a job?” Despite relentless self-urging and the impending graduation date, I couldn’t seem to arrive at a clear answer. Perhaps I was still searching for the perfect career choice, benchmarking it against my personal definition of a passionate individual. Maybe I believed that a single answer would eventually emerge as I distilled and reflected upon the diverse range of topics and experiences I had explored. This ambiguity and lack of clarity generated unease and tension in the final months of my undergraduate life. In the end, I clung to the core essence of my life at that time: curiosity. I embarked on my full-time career as a business development associate at Fidelity Investments, yet another unfamiliar role I had never before undertaken.

The following year and a half at Fidelity marked an interesting departure from my previous analytical roles. My responsibilities revolved around facilitating financial advisors’ purchases of Fidelity’s products. This entailed nurturing relationships with them through elaborate dinners and events, presenting the latest economic and investment trends, and connecting them with our portfolio managers when necessary. I quickly learned the art of engaging with new prospects and steering conversations toward successful sales closures. Although challenging in its own right, I found myself yearning for the analytical nature of the responsibilities I had previously held. Consequently, I began searching for a career change within that realm, which led me to the role of Market Risk Analyst at Canada Life Insurance, coinciding with my relocation to eastern Canada.

It would not be an understatement to describe the next few months of my life as challenging. The new role was a far cry from what I had envisioned, chaining me to my desk for 8–9 hours with minimal interaction with my peers. I had also underestimated the difficulties of uprooting myself from all the relationships I had cultivated over 16+ years back home. Whether I was trying to compensate for my unsatisfactory experience in Toronto or rationalize my decision to move to the city, I found myself striving to achieve stellar results at work as quickly as possible, hoping it would serve as a ray of light in my life. This led me to place unrealistic expectations upon myself, which I could never practically meet. Failing to consistently meet these self-imposed expectations ultimately led to my first-ever panic attack at work, characterized by chest pains and difficulty breathing. This compounded my disappointment in myself and further deteriorated my mental health, ultimately resulting in my resignation from the role after only four months on the job.

3rd Phase: Intentionality

Was my struggle over once I left the role that had been causing me so much anguish and distress? Far from it. I still grappled with the underlying question I had long neglected: “So what do I do now?” Until then, I had never deliberately paused in my life to reflect on the “why” behind my actions. The clock was ticking. Knowing that my savings could only sustain me for a limited time without a job added additional pressure to urgently find an answer.

The complete freedom I had allowed copious time for self-reflection. I spent 8–9 hours on long walks, deep in thought, relentlessly pressing myself to arrive at a single answer to the central question of life: “What should I do for a living? How should I make money?” Despite my efforts, no clear answer emerged amid the murky depths of my mind, fueling my frustration and self-disappointment.

One day, I found myself on the floor, curled up in a fetal position, in a state of self-torment. I had officially sunk into depression. I reached a point where I thought, “If I can’t find a clear answer to what I should do for a living, and I may never find one, then what’s the point of living at all?” It seemed like the only logical conclusion based on the premise that had defined my life at that time.

Recognizing that these thoughts could potentially translate into self-destructive actions, I reached out to friends, family, and professionals for advice. These conversations helped loosen the tight grip I had on myself, and the relentless self-punishment for not arriving at an answer to a question I had arbitrarily framed my life around. Instead, I was offered new perspectives on how to view my life. If not centered around a career and profession, what should be the focal point of my life? One suggestion was to center my life around the essence of gratitude — to practice being grateful for anything and everything I had experienced in my life up to that point, including the information, people, systems, and structures that were often beyond my control.

Making the conscious decision to shift the central focus of my life from “what one topic, subject, or profession should I be obsessed/passionate about” to “what should I be grateful for today?” had an incredible impact. It provided my already stressed mind with a refreshing break from obsessive career pursuits. It helped me focus on the present moment, finding contentment in simple joys like the morning sunshine, rather than fixating on a forward-looking perspective of what I should be doing for the rest of my life. Finally, it allowed me to interact with others and perceive them as simple human beings, each leading their lives, rather than categorizing them solely based on their professions and contributions to society.

Through this daily practice of gratitude, I arrived at an answer that brought clarity and a sense of peace. It was this: “I understand that, regardless of my choices and life’s turns, I will always have the option to be grateful, and there will always be things to be grateful for. In gratitude, I will seek opportunities to use my strengths, skills, and experiences in service of others’ lives.”

This answer led me to several realizations. First, my obsession with a singular career or goal led me to identify my entire being with that profession, whereas life is far more multifaceted than one’s job. Secondly, it’s what you choose to focus on that guides your contentment, not the outcome itself.

In pursuit of opportunities that aligned with the essence I had discovered, I naturally gravitated toward roles that suited my background, including those in the impact/responsible investing sectors. Yet, my journey took an unexpected turn, leading me into the world of venture philanthropy at LEAP | Pecaut Centre for Social Impact (LEAP).

The 4th Phase: Commitment

The best way for me to explain venture philanthropy is to compare it to venture capital (VC). VC invests and takes equity in an early-stage start-up that is introducing an innovative product/service that people/companies will purchase for their utility. VC firms conduct rigorous due diligence to find companies that have high prospect in growth and profitability so that the value of their investments grow alongside the company’s trajectory. Venture philanthropy, on the other hand, applies the principles of venture capital through a social lens. Its primary goal is to identify and invest in companies with the potential to generate significant positive social impact. Coined in the early 2000s, venture philanthropy remains a relatively nascent field with an evolving definition of what constitutes “positive social impact.”

At LEAP, our definition of social impact revolves around addressing the challenges faced by vulnerable groups in society. These groups include individuals in precarious employment situations, refugees from war-torn countries, and food-insecure families struggling to find their next meal. The issues these demographics encounter often encompass homelessness, underemployment, chronic health concerns, and discrimination. Many solutions for these groups take the form of nonprofit and charitable organizations, relying heavily on funding from governments, foundations, and large corporations.

The next four years of my professional journey with LEAP were unlike anything I could have imagined or prepared for. The center’s focus on chronic disease prevention coincided with the onset of the global COVID-19 pandemic, underscoring the critical importance of Canadians’ health. I conducted rigorous due diligence on approximately 6,500 solutions aimed at addressing the health behavior of marginalized groups, ultimately selecting ten innovative and impactful organizations led by inspiring founders. In the subsequent years, I had the opportunity to work alongside the founders and CEOs of organizations dedicated to promoting healthier behavior among Canada’s most vulnerable populations, including Indigenous communities, food-insecure families, and chronic smokers. This experience exposed me to the unique and multifaceted challenges faced by each of these groups, challenges that I, coming from a relatively privileged background, had never encountered. I also came to recognize that these challenges were deeply rooted in complex systems and structures with no single, one-size-fits-all solution. I discovered the power of collaboration by engaging with professionals from various sectors, including consulting (BCG, EY), government relations (H+K Strategies), technology (Google), legal (McCarthy), and non-profit (Marts & Lundy), who offered their expertise in a pro bono capacity to address these complex issues.

Whether because the experience seemed too good to be true or at least significantly different from any other jobs that I had held, I thought my role at LEAP was godsent — something that I could do for the rest of my life; however, the rose-colored glasses that I was looking at my profession gradually faded over the years. Colleagues, whom I considered equivalent to family, came and went for different reasons. People seemed more focused on achieving work-life balance rather than dedicating every single minute to the organization’s mission. This misalignment between practical reality and idealism left me feeling disappointed. Perhaps, in the back of my mind, I still believed I could attain the idealized image of a passionate individual if I found the right environment. While my daily gratitude practice helped tremendously, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a missing piece in my mental puzzle. This perceived gap led to another deep period of introspection, during which I expanded my perspectives through reading various books and consulting with a more diverse range of people in my life.

I reflected on the journey that I had to date and characteristics that I loved and the ones that I didn’t. Having broadened perspectives now in both the public and the private sector, I thought through reasons why systems are the way they are. Compared to having solely an introspective reflection with pressure to arrive at an outcome, thinking in these multidimensional ways further fueled my energy to learn more about the interconnectedness of our society.

The culmination of my thoughts came to a singular, rather simplistic realization: A state of the world, and the complex dynamic of interactions within it, at any given point of time in history, implicitly reflects its best answer to the question, “What environment would enable the maximum enrichment and advancement of humanity?”.

Here are some supporting thoughts:

• The world is never static: Consider the prehistoric era of hunters and gatherers, where there were essentially two roles, as implied by their names. How did we evolve into tribal societies and eventually form civilizations? The world today is vastly different from even a century ago, with systems and structures adapting in response to societal progress. This realization explains why I struggled to answer the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” for over two decades; the question presupposes a static professional environment in an ever-evolving world. Jobs and professions change in alignment with societal advancements, especially with the increasing proliferation of information technology.
• No single person knows all of the answers: None of us are perfect, and seeking perfection shouldn’t be our primary goal. I would be skeptical of anyone who claims to have THE answer to life’s questions. As Rumi illustrates in his poem “Elephant in the Dark,” each person perceives the world differently, and no one perspective is superior to another. Our inability to fully grasp the complex dynamics of the world is why we form communities and engage in social interactions. It necessitates collaboration and helps us collectively understand the bigger picture.

This statement may still cause unease for many, especially those who have suffered throughout their lives. “How can he claim that the system is structured for humanity’s advancement? Just look at the suffering in the world!”. Based on media portrayals, this sentiment may be entirely justified. However, when we examine the world’s reality while keeping the question in mind, it prompts us to ask other questions that each of us is responsible for answering.

• What do you disagree with most about the current state of the world? How do you envision a more ideal state for humanity? These questions acknowledge that the current reality falls far short of the ideal. Yet, we all possess the ability to imagine a better future for ourselves and others. Our ideal futures rarely revolve solely around ourselves; they often encompass the well-being of people in our lives and beyond, wishing the best for countless others around the world. This provides a foundation for defining what represents a positive advancement beyond the status quo.
• What is your role in this ever-evolving dynamic of the world? Many people underestimate their power and agency in their lives. Based on the ideal reality you envision, what actions can you take in the present that will contribute to incremental progress? What is worth the inevitable struggles and challenges that life will present along your journey? The sooner you realize that the world responds, even to your smallest of actions, the sooner you’ll be inspired by your own capacity for growth and your ability to make a meaningful contribution toward creating your ideal reality.

Manifesto — My Life’s Mission

What is my answer to the question, “How do I want to contribute to the positive advancement of humanity?”

For me, it has always been about people. Whether they are my parents, siblings, friends, teachers, or mentors, they have been the primary source of my gratitude. The joy I feel when I see the clarity in how I’ve helped or supported others in alleviating their struggles is truly immeasurable. I want to listen and learn from those who experience challenges deeply rooted in existing systems and structures. I want to research existing solutions that aim to address these challenges and explore, despite their best efforts, why the issues are sustaining. Collaborating with stakeholders and like-minded professionals, I want to build scalable solutions that address systemic challenges faced by many.

In summary, my mission is to “create scalable solutions that nurture the potential of those who feel left behind by existing structures, empowering them towards a state aligned with the positive advancement of humanity.”

This statement encompasses several key aspects:

• “Scalable”: How can solutions be scaled without sacrificing effectiveness?
• “Potential”: What defines a person’s potential?
• “Left behind”: What constitutes being excluded from existing societal structures?
• “Existing structures”: How do we define the status quo and evolving structures?
• “Positive advancement of humanity”: What distinguishes positive from negative progress for humanity?

Specifically, I will focus on answering these questions in areas that can best leverage my background in finance and economics, exploring economic mobility and financial literacy. In pursuit of this mission, I have established a platform, Advance Fundamentals, structured as follows:

For Organizations

• Rediscover your organization’s innate value and mission.
• Understand the evolving landscape and find your role within the bigger picture.
• Harness cutting-edge tools and technologies to amplify your influence.

For Individuals

• Pause, reflect, and uncover your aspirations
• Unravel the distractions of social media and connect with the true pulse of society
• Advance yourself with the tools to embark on radical actions towards your goals

Learnings

• Uncover the pivotal factors propelling humanity’s progress.
• Reference literature and articles that explore various frameworks for advancement.
• Share inspiring narratives of individuals who have embarked on transformative journeys.

As I embark on this journey, there are several principles that I will continue to remind myself

1. Acceptance: In any environment, there are known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns. Known knowns are knowledge that I personally house through education and experiences. Known unknowns are knowledge that I know exist but unfamiliar with the exact details of what they entail. Finally, there are unknown unknowns, knowledge that I am not even unaware of its existence. I believe outcomes are often influenced by the unknown unknowns, beyond our control. However, I will remain focused on my intentions, values, and faith, embracing whatever outcomes result from my actions.
2. Health Fundamentals: One of the critical factors that is within my control is my health. How I start each day, what I do, and what I eat are all part of my decision on how I would want to start my day. I’ve come to realize some habits are more constructive than others, including daily practice of gratitude, sunlight, stretching, exercise, and healthy eating. These are habits and practices that I will strive to maintain no matter the time and place in my life.
3. Making a Good Choice vs Perfect Choice: Across different points in my life, I may face moments where I am at a crossroads, having to choose between a seemingly limitless number of possibilities. I may struggle and analyze what is the absolute best choice, agonizing over every minute detail that seems to make or break my decisions; however, this implies that there is such a thing as the most optimal choice in every situation. I have to understand the act of making the choice itself, within reasonable boundaries of contentment, is what matters, not striving to make the perfect choice, which simply does not exist.
4. Solving a Piece of the Puzzle: My mission is tackling the tiniest sliver of the world’s issues and opportunities. In the grand scheme of things, I may be just a blimp in humanity’s history and progress. Yet, the mission excites me nonetheless. In my pursuit, look forward to the people, organizations, and resources I will encounter along the way.
5. Value vs Rules-Based Living: Frameworks and insights may lead me to strictly adhere to a standard set of rules. Focusing on living rigidly in accordance with those rules can be both self-harming, where I might criticize myself for each instance that I veer off, and self-aggrandizing, where I might perceive, whether consciously or unconsciously, others as inferior because they do not live in accordance with my rules and beliefs.
6. Dangers of Circular Reference: Without conscious efforts to recognize the influence that existing social constructs and structures have in my life, I may fall into the circular tendencies of following implicit social norms. Pursuing power for the sake of power, money for the sake of money, or fame for the sake of fame can lead to these never-ending loops without a strong foundation to support the “why,” and they can be self-destructive.
7. Dangers of Identification: I may also have the tendency to attribute any successful outcomes solely to myself, especially given how much I may have persevered in pursuit of a goal. It is important to recognize that many ties and factors, both within and beyond my perceived control, may have influenced the status of my goals. The concept of being in the right place at the right time is a real factor. At the end of the day, I am a simple human being, doing my best to discover what brings me joy and how I can best contribute to society and the world despite my own imperfections.

Closing Thoughts …

So, that’s my lengthy story up to this point. In hindsight, perhaps I’ve written this article as another round of self-reflection. Maybe it will serve as an ongoing reference for how I perceive the world and why I’ve committed to a particular path in life. Perhaps I want my readers to hold me accountable and refer to my own words if my actions fall short of my intentions. Or maybe I’m curious to hear other people’s thoughts in response to my sharing of vulnerability.

Regardless of the many reasons, I hope it was an interesting read and provided food for thought on a thing or two. Whether you consciously realize it or not, everyone plays a role in the constant and complex dynamics of interpersonal, inter-organizational, and inter-national relationships that drive our collective progress forward.

In closing, here are a few reflective questions that I hope may guide you on your journey:

What has been the life that led you up to this point?

• What have been your highs and lows?
• How can you best understand why the world has evolved the way it has and the direction it is moving in?
• What gives you a profound sense of excitement and joy?
• How do you imagine your ideal self and ideal reality? What common characteristics can you identify?

I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you through various mediums.

Kevin Hak Hyun Yu