The Beginning of the End.
First off, hello dear reader. I probably should start by mentioning that the title of this story serves a dual purpose, as this is the beginning of my time on Medium, and the end of my social life since I’ve now found Medium. I apologize for that pathetic attempt at humor, but I feel you should cut me some slack here because the whole world is turning into one big bad joke, I’m just keeping up with the times. Leaving that aside, I’m stoked to be a part of the intellectual osmosis that takes place here on Medium. I shall now get to the point without further ado.
Death, probably the only thing that scares human beings more than pineapple on pizza. Whenever we witness a death or attend a funeral, we can’t help but wonder when and how a similar fate will befall us. Sometimes, I wonder if the relatives of the deceased cry not because a loved one has passed away, but because it reminds them of how puny we mortals are. “Screw you Geoffrey, you just added to my midlife crisis BIG TIME. Could you not have waited until I was ready for another huge blow? God dammit Geoffrey!” But, another side to this coin is the endless and exciting speculation of the afterlife. Do our spirits roam the earth freely after we physically cease to exist? Are we reborn as cats? Are we actually just pretending to be dead so that our boss won’t assign us any more projects? These speculations are all a result of creativity and boredom, but all quite thought inducing. All I can say is, I can’t wait to find out the truth! Just kidding, I’d rather stay alive, I’m sure the afterlife doesn’t have strawberry yogurt.
Amidst this chaotic free buffet, here’s some more food for thought catered by me. It’s pretty complex….carbohydrates, (See what I did there?) so I’ll try to keep it as simple as I possibly can. What if, there indeed IS extraterrestrial life out there? What if, we haven’t been able to find anybody else because we’re not MEANT to? My theory is that there is an alien planet out there, and each citizen of that planet is assigned to a citizen of our planet. Let’s assume a human to be X and the corresponding alien counterpart as Y (I did out of habit, I’m a math student y’see?) So basically, X’s life is like a reality entertainment show to Y. Y continually watches X on an Alienware monitor. (See what I did there?) As long as Y is watching TV, X is alive. The second Y’s mom tells him/her to switch off the TV and go study, the human assigned to Y dies. (I’m sure calculus and organic chemistry plague kids around the galaxy — Divided by planets, united by homework) So the more strict an alien’s mom is, the faster the human assigned to the alien dies. (I really hope my alien has a chill mom) And as we die, when we close our eyes, ready for our journey into the abyss, we see our alien. The light at the end of the tunnel, ladies and gentleman, is none other than our alien. Your alien stands there, and thanks you for all the entertainment, especially the time you fell down the stairs and pretended everything was alright, when in reality you could feel your tailbone slowly giving up on you. After your alien leaves, you die knowing that you’ve been played all your life, and that a frigging ALIEN played you, total icing on the cake huh?
So that’s another stupid theory to add to the already existing stupid theories. Alright I’m being skeptical, for all I know, one of them is true. Or, maybe ALL of them are true. What if our afterlife is our version or definition of it? What if our afterlife is our own creation? Okay I’ll stop now. I have my final exams coming up in a week, and here I am writing this. I guess everything becomes zen once you come to acceptance with the concept of death — Why do well in my finals when I’m going to die anyway? But I sure as hell enjoyed writing this, and I sure as heaven hope that you enjoyed reading it. This might just inspire you to flex your thinking muscles and come up with your own theory of the afterlife, and if you do, I urge you to share it in the comments.
Cheers!
