Here’s Why You Keep Restarting Your ‘Self-Love’ Journey
In an age where more people are tuning inwards and unlearning their difficult pasts and thoughts through daily life, many people come across the Self-Love Journey. What does this journey offer? What’s the difference between love and care? More importantly, why do people find themselves re-starting? Here are some possible reasons why you keep re-starting yours:
First, What is the ‘Self-Love’ Journey?
Being on a personal adventure like this one is as unique as the person beginning it. Is caring for yourself and loving yourself the same thing? Do they go together? Is either way distinct in appearance or tone? These are questions that are asked before beginning the journey.
No one can actually tell you how to show yourself care or love, not even this article! But that’s not what this is about–it is about understanding the methods, descriptions, trends, and how to make and keep it personal.
So, What is It?
Self-Love is described as ‘regard for one’s well-being and happiness’ according to the Oxford Dictionary. The thing is though, there are so many different definitions! Different interpretations involving religions, historical figures who turned the topic away from narcissism, therapist, and Doctor quotes–so many different ways to look at self-love.
Loving yourself looks different for everyone because everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. This person may struggle with setting boundaries, but it’s easy for them to rest when they need to and you may struggle with resting, but your boundary setting is unmatched. Everyone is different and has different things to work on.
The first possible reason you keep restarting your self-love journey is that you haven’t defined self-love for yourself.
You may have an idea of what self-love looks like as a trend or as seen in the media, you haven’t defined it for yourself, though.
Here is a list of things the media makes self-love out to be:
- Face masks
- Long baths
- Expensive items/gifts
- Lotus Position meditation
- Hoarding plants
- Taking expensive trips
Now, while you can do all of these things to help promote self-love within yourself, keep in mind that just because it’s trending, doesn’t mean that’s what you need.
Self-Love is what you define it as. It’s a specific trip that you take, it’s an extraordinary discovery for you. No one can find you in the way you find yourself.
When deciphering what self-love is, you can ask yourself these questions to seek out your own meaning:
- What are your strengths?
- What are your weaknesses?
- What do you love about yourself (If you, unfortunately, cannot think of anything, think of what you admire about others)?
- Do you think you have these qualities, too?
- How do you practice self-care?
- What areas of your life do you need help in?
- Do you set proper boundaries in your relationships?
- What do you appreciate in your day-to-day life?
How is Self-Love Different from Self-Care?
Referring to an earlier section, sometimes self-love and care are confused for one another, despite both being necessary. Can one care about themselves and not love themselves? Is there love without care? What even are the criteria for love and care apart?
How They Differ
When people think of self-care, we typically think of the face masks, the long baths, the manicures, and physical keeping, right? What if we challenged self-care, and the trending idea of it, to a more sensual, intimate, and internal altitude?
Self-Care is defined as ‘the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress’ according to the Oxford Dictionary. So, in a definition sense, even self-care is defined as a physical way to practice self-love.
While, yes, you could participate in the physical upkeep of yourself, doing that alone doesn’t give the same ring to self-care as the media creates. Only taking care of your physical can boost your internal caring, but to the world, it’s looked at as something you’re supposed to do.
So, by definition, self-love is the internal one and self-care is the external one. There are ways to turn your self-care routine inwards, though.
The second reason you keep restarting your self-love journey may be because you’re only exercising your self-care outwards.
How to Exercise Self-Care Inwards
Exercising self-care inwards looks a lot different from simply taking care of your body & physical health. Some people end up finding a more religious or spiritually led path in the name of self-care, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
When you engender your self-care journey or routine, you’re creating new habits, you’re making better choices, you’re choosing a better path, and you’re setting the record straight for the world and establishing the standard by which you will be treated. Self-care on the inside requires a lot of thinking, planning, and realizing. It is self-awareness.
Here are a few ways self-care can look when it’s exercised inwards:
- Saying ‘no’ when you mean it
- Saying ‘yes’ when you mean it
- Setting clear boundaries
- Ending relationships that weren’t healthy
- Admitting when you’re wrong
- Apologizing
- Not overindulging in harmful activities
- Minding your common sense
- Facing your fears
- Taking advice when you ask someone for it
- Respecting your time and effort
Much like self-love, a lot of inward self-care is about personal respectability. When you care for yourself outwardly, you may go to every doctor appointment, pay your bills, and eat healthy meals — but you still feel unfulfilled. When you exercise self-care inwardly, you care for your mental health, you care for your emotions, and you provide yourself with psychological values, such as validation, acceptance, trust, and such.
The third reason you may keep restarting your self-love journey is that you have poor mental health.
Why Mental Wellness Matters in Your Self-Love Endeavors
According to the National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH), mental illnesses are common in the United States. Nearly one in five U.S. adults live with a mental illness (52.9 million in 2020), and according to UN News, as of July 2022, the WHO declares that nearly 1 billion people, globally, have a mental health disorder. According to the Institutional Association of Suicide Prevention, approximately 703,000 people die from suicide yearly, with over 58% of deaths being those under age 50.
While there are various topics within mental health in itself, the purpose of it is no greater than physical health and still deserves to be a part of your journey to loving and caring for yourself.
What is Mental Wellness?
Mental wellness is defined as ‘a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being’ per the Oxford Dictionary.
Mental wellness comes in many forms and can be achieved in multifarious ways. Some automatically think of CBT therapy — but did you know that there are different types of mental health therapies that you can benefit from? Or that Mental Health Professionals go beyond just being a therapist or psychiatrists?
Other people think of medications or mental institutions due to negative connotations with mental breakdowns. Whatever you previously associated mental health with, just know that mental health is just as important as physical health.
Why is Mental Health Important?
Aside from the striking statistics against the mental health crisis amongst nations across the globe, mental health is first a personal issue before it becomes another number to the rising percentage.
Health is the opposite of disease. Diseases don’t always have to be a medical diagnosis. Let’s think of the word ‘disease’ in parts: “dis-ease”. Think of ‘uneasy’, ‘disturbed’, and ‘irritated’ synonyms like that.
You may not have a medical diagnosis, but what may be bringing you dis-ease is pent-up anger. Maybe it is stored trauma. Maybe it is the inability to forgive. These are not medical diagnoses, but they still bring dis-ease.
How is Mental Health Essential for Self-Care and Love?
Mental health is essential for self-care and love because a lot of the decisions and habits that create your routines and that drive your journey are fueled by your mentality.
If you dislike where you are with yourself, if you’re not who you wish to be, if you’re not passionate or inspired by anything, if you aspire to just make it to the next day, you’re less likely to reach your desired level of self-care or self-love.
There is a difference between resting and sleeping. Just like there is a difference between caring for yourself at the minimum, physically, and to care for yourself as a person, as a human.
This isn’t to say that you need to be free of mental disturbances or disorders to lead a positive life — as reported by Mental Health America,19.86% of adults are experiencing a mental illness. Equivalent to nearly 50 million Americans. 4.91% are experiencing a severe mental illness, and while each day may be a hassle, these same people are fighting and leading their lives with love and care. Anyone can do it!
Self-love is choosing yourself. Self-care is choosing to take care of all that you are, regardless.
The fourth possible reason that you keep restarting your journey is because of your own limitations.
Why Do We Limit Ourselves?
You can surf the web searching for a manual on ‘how to live a full life’, ‘how to be a good person’, and other people’s opinions on how to live life ideally, but eventually, you’re going to conclude that you are unique. Too unique to take such mediocre, default living advice when you are the only person who could ever possibly be you.
Everyone has limitations. Whether they’re in the guise of fear, trauma-related incidents, bigoted opinions, or the sheer fact that you can’t predict the outcome–everyone limits themselves from different things for different reasons.
When trying to learn to love ourselves, sometimes we get stuck. We all get stuck for different reasons, but a common reason is that we can’t bring ourselves to take a leap of faith in ourselves.
How rarely do you bet on yourself? Do you believe you’re capable of attaining your dreams? Do you believe in yourself? Do you forgive yourself? Do you stand up for yourself? Are you aware of your flaws? Do you aim for perfection or comfort?
In the book, ‘all about love’ by bell hooks, she attributes love to be a concoction of care, commitment, trust, knowledge, responsibility, and respect. As she gathers different interpretations and definitions of love by various authors of romance and ‘how to love’ guides, she concludes that love is not a singular action. It is an action produced from other actions. She teaches love as a verb, not a noun.
Time to Break the Limit
Do you find that you limit yourself to any of the contributors of love, as expressed by bell hooks? Do you limit your self-care? Do you limit your self-respect? Do you limit taking accountability and responsibility? Do you know anything about yourself? Do you trust yourself? Do you commit to your desires and plans without hesitation?
Breaking the limit requires you to provide love and care to yourself at 100%, not when it’s convenient.
Re-cap on Possible Reason You Keep Re-Starting Your Self-Love Journey:
- You might not have defined self-love for yourself yet
- Take some time to yourself and gather your ideas of what you think self-love is, or how you wish the media would portray it
2. You might only be exercising self-care outwardly
- Caring for your body and physical health is great, but there’s an inside of you as well!
3. You may have poor mental health
- You don’t need a medical diagnosis to have poor mental health, remember your validity. Whether you have severe anxiety or you just can’t seem to forgive yourself, your mental health matters just as much as your physical health
4. You may be limiting yourself to love and care, period
- Think of all that goes into making love, what parts are you neglecting yourself from? Where do you practice abnegation?
Please know that there is more to you than what society says about you. Your self-love journey is yours alone. You’re free to do what you please, how you please, bring who you please, and ultimately restart as many times as you please.
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