You can’t tell by looking at me.

You can’t tell how much I hate myself just by looking at me.

You can’t tell how much I wanted my life to end just by looking at me.

You can’t tell how much I’ve struggled to keep it all to myself just by looking at me.

You can’t tell how much I’ve cried just by looking at me.

Underneath my smile and my laughter hides a big part of me that cries and screams.

Underneath my foundation and concealer hides my puffy eyes from crying all night.

Underneath my carefree attitude hides a scared little girl who’s afraid of being abandoned.

I have created a version of myself that I could only wish I could come close to.

I have created an outgoing, carefree, and happy go-lucky girl that I could only dream to be.

That girl you see smiling and laughing and joking around is only the girl I wish to be.

But you can’t tell, because I’ve played this girl for so long that I’ve had time to perfect my act.

I hurt and I cry

But you won’t ever see that side of me

I won’t let you.

You’ll only see the carefree, smiling girl

Not the girl who’s trembling and afraid.

You’ll only ever hear my laughter and my jokes

Not my cry for help.

I won’t let you and you won’t let yourself.

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