Unrequited love
I had learned to love who I was and what I had with you. It was a simple friendship that led to deep conversations and sheer transparency. No judgement. We understood each other better than we understood ourselves.
You pretended. Well more mirrored me in terms of how you acted or felt. I was confused. Did you ever feel anything? You were so gentle with me but yet you were brutally honest just as I was. It was all platonic. Two friends trying to save each other from drowning turned into two floating together in an ocean. In a sea of hurt and dreams. I wanted so bad for you to let go with me. To completely let me in as I did so for you. But you were already damned and broken when I met you. That never bothered me.
You didn’t let another soul in. I couldn’t release you from your crumbled, hallow mold. I read your stories. I knew you inside and out and the beast inside you I grew to love and that’s all I grew to care about. I wanted to comfort you. Hold you together. Strengthen you into the man I knew you could be and wanted to be. I grew stronger with you. The reflections I saw in your eyes showed me I was worth a damn and that the darkest parts of me only contained beauty. I felt high with you but yet I stayed sober. I wanted to feel what was real. I wanted to soar with you next to me. I wanted to share successes with you and hear yours. I wanted you to win the battle that you were fighting in your chest and in your head. But nothing, not even my love was enough. I realized that no one, not even me, could save you from your own destiny.
So while you’re lost at sea, fighting the battle in your mind and drowning while calypso smiles at you, I’ll be on the shore waiting. I’ll be hiding my heart here on the beach while I try to reach the sky line.
