I’ve just read this and it brought back a lot (how dare you disturb my peace?!?). I think we’re chasing the elusive unicorn, here.
When looking back at my life, I came to the only outcome of all the things I’ve been through: whenever we are wanted or needed, we end up by being used. Always.
As for the ‘l' thing, I decided it just didn’t really exist. Chances are it is only the figment of our needy imagination. Or perhaps serial monogamy is the answer.