Girls, girls, girls
Let’s talk about the greatest invention of God. Us girls, the women, the fairer sex, the female human being. We, by now, must have encountered (almost) every kind. We meet so many people in our lifetime and a good amount of them are girls. Every girl is unique, Every girl is different. Hence every girl is a kind. So let’s categorize them. The first impression is never going to be the last. Especially for me, every girl I hated( too strong? disliked perhaps ) at the first meet has grown really close to me over time and at times even ended up being my best friend (BFF if you prefer).
There are good girls, there are bad girls and then there are plain outright bitches( Yes I used the ‘B’ word and it’s okay). I’m not going to categorize them in the above-mentioned categories they do however fall in a different set altogether. So let’s start with my favorite kind (these are usually everyone’s favorite).
1. MISS GOODY TWO SHOES
Pretentious little beings. You know they are good to everyone they meet, have good reputations, friendly, good grades, teacher’s pet, an obedient child with the I never touched a guy or even thought about it look on. Basically the textbook definition of the ‘Perfect Girl’. Bullshit.
I’m not saying that they are completely fake but come on. They exactly know how to keep other people wrapped around their fingers. They are the ones who make others work for them, be their handymen and chauffeurs.
These are the girls who do all the shit in the world and somehow have someone in their lives to cover it up. They are the ones who would sit with a bunch of guys get drunk out of their minds and still come out clean. The ones who make their ‘guy’-friends hang around them, get all the attention (and gifts)from them while keeping them on the hook for that one chance.
And if these good-natured guys are on the verge of giving up on these girls then they would play their tricks all over again, use their weakness for them to get them back on the hook, if nothing else works then they throw in the love-card. I Love You, but you have to wait. Can you do that for me? and when they get girlfriends after being tired of waiting they’ll try to show their girlfriends the upper-hand they have over their boyfriends. Smart?No Bitch! Low.
2. DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
Read- female versions of a man-child. They are not really immature they just pretend to be so. These are a special kind, really. They love gaining sympathy. Their tag-line? Please save me! They have the puppy eyes look permanently glued to their faces. “ I can’t open the bottle. Would you open it for me?” ,” I’m feeling cold. Would you give me your jacket?”,” I can’t walk anymore. Would you carry me?” They are the ones waiting for their knight in shining armor to be saved from the perfectly normal hardships of life and of the world that they are totally capable of dealing with. Well, keep waiting.
3. COOL GIRL
If you’ve read or even watched Gone Girl, you’ll know what I’m talking about. According to Amy Elliott Dunne from Gone Girl, a cool girl is someone(From the book)
“ I’m hot brilliant, funny who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex and jams hot-dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow managing to be size 2. These are the kind who never gets angry and they let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead shit on me. I don’t mind. I’m the cool girl”
They are borderline masochists and would go to any extent to please a fellow human being. Beware.
4. SELF PROCLAIMED FEMINISTS
The ideal definition of a feminist is a person who advocates social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. So some girls take this as an opportunity to get their way in, basically, everything. You are the guy you pay. What’s going dutch? what’s this alien term you speak of, buy me expensive gifts(that I can get myself but why bother?), Get out of the car and open the door for me. Hopeless.
These are the kind, when in relationships flirt, sext and even make-out/ have sex with countless guys and when their boyfriends have one girl-friend, hell breaks loose. They aren’t feminists, they are misandrists and probably misogynists too. They want special privileges at everything in school, colleges, public transports, jobs, life. Yes, In a male-dominated society, feminists are required but not these whatever -ists they are.
They are the side-kicks of the queen bee. They will do anything to get into their good books. Tie my shoe-laces. Done. I’m hungry, come cook for me and leave. Done. Do my homework because I have to paint my nails. Done. They work their way up the ladder, zero in on your secrets and everything else and then they wait patiently for the opportunity to strike.
And when that happens, they are out-running you, taking your place at everything grabbing everything that is yours. Your friends, your boyfriend, your place at school/college, your lifestyle, even your life. Often your downfall is because of them, they use everything they know about you against you, use your secrets as leverage and get their way in the end.
So weird that the one person you thought is so harmless stole everything from you. EVERYTHING. Never-ever think someone’s harmless. They never are. The innocent-seeming ones are the most dangerous of all. Be extra-careful because their mind is always working. They might be getting you that vanilla latte from Starbucks. But only for now, because they always have a plan and its always to undo you and take your place.
6. REAL ONES
Enough of this rant that almost resembles misogyny. So the balance it out they are the real ones. These are the best. Friends for life. The one who would help you hide a body in the middle of the night. No questions asked. The ones who are with you through thick and thin, through all the shit in your life. Through issues at home (fights, sibling rivalry blah blah), issues at school(bad grades, bitchy teachers, don’t they love making our lives living hell? Well I had a few of them , they hated the very sight of me and I always wondered why) and issues with other girls( okay she’s trying to steal my boyfriend, did you notice that she’s trying to be me?) and then comes the issues with boyfriends( he’s cheating on me, pregnancy scares- because we need someone’s hand to hold while we are waiting for that line to turn ‘-’ and the boyfriend is too much of a chicken . Coward. Asshole.).
These are the girls that we will always treasure, the ones you can trust your life with, they give the right advice and when there’s none they’ll hug you and be there for you and probably smack you in the face too(shout out to my real one who has smacked me so many times that it borderlines on abuse), they own up to their mistakes , they are genuine and happen to like fellow female beings without considering them as competition.
They are very hard to find, but if you do hold on to them. They will never judge you, accept your negatives with your positives and will tell you to your face when you are being an ‘A’ class bitch. These are ones from whom you’ll take your ‘Something Borrowed’ for your wedding. The person you totally mean when you say You love them to the moon and back. It doesn’t matter how long you have known each other, It’s about how much you know about each other.
Nonetheless, Every girl is special and wonderful, be it your best friend, sister, nemesis, that suspiciously close BFF of your love, that classmate or an annoying coworker. Girls are going to be girls. You can’t live with them, You can’t live without them