Are You in a Potentially Violent Relationship? A Quick Guide

“Those who commit violent acts use manipulation, control, humiliation and denial as tools against their victims.”
Are you in a potentially violent relationship? Believe it or not, domestic violence isn’t something that happens only to married women. Men and women of all ages are victims of violent relationships. Nearly 10% of teens who are actively dating have been physically hurt on purpose by someone they are dating.
By knowing the warning signs, you can prevent falling deep into a violent relationship that can cause mental and physical harm, or worse. In 2008, a few months before high school graduation, teenager Kaity Sudberry was murdered by her ex-boyfriend while walking home from school. After the tragic incident, Bobbi Sudberry, Kaity’s mother, co-founded Kaity’s Way with Kaity’s father, Ric — a nonprofit to “advocate for healthy teen relationships by providing education, skills and tools to youth and their allies.”
Based on the work and resources of Kaity’s Way, we put together a short guide with their permission to help you identify the signs of a potentially dangerous relationship.
A Common Pattern

Abusive relationships follow a similar pattern. They begin with a “honeymoon” stage, where everything seems perfect. After tension builds, which could be a couple of small arguments or rude comments, an explosion happens. This explosion could be your partner screaming, hitting, or taking out their aggression on something you own, from your car to your pet. Then comes the apology, which if the person who is being abused accepts, leads back into the honeymoon phase, that is until tension begins to build again.
You may feel like a few bad moments in your relationship don’t mean it’s abusive. But a few “mistakes” can explode into something dangerous for both people involved
Warning Signs
Here are common warning signs that you may be in a violent relationship:
You aren’t being given space
We all need some time to ourselves and a little space. If the person you are dating calls and texts you constantly when you’re not with them or needs to be with you all the time, this could be a warning sign. We all like to spend time with our partners, but abusers often try to control relationships by not allowing their partner any space away from them.
They’re controlling
“I don’t want you talking to him.”
“You better stay away from her.”
“If you wear that we’re not going out tonight.”
Controlling behaviors include telling you what to do, how to dress, and who you can be friends with or talk to.
They yell at you
There’s a clear difference between having a disagreement and yelling. Yelling is aggressive behavior and can escalate into physical violence.
They humiliate you in front of others
This could be saying something about your appearance or making jokes at your expense. Someone who is making fun of you is abusing you, even if they laugh it off as a joke. It’s important to take into account how you feel about these “jokes” or how someone treats you in front of others. If you don’t find it funny and are not comfortable with it, tell your partner, and if they continue, this is abuse.
They talk bad about people you care about
“Your mom’s a bitch, you shouldn’t listen to her.”
“Your friends just don’t understand them, you shouldn’t hang out with them anymore.”
Is the person you date constantly bad mouthing your family and friends? This could be a sign that they are trying to separate you from those you’re close with to keep themselves as the only person you really care for.
They blame you whenever something does not go right
Sometimes things go wrong. Maybe you missed the beginning of a movie or burned the dinner you were cooking for the two of you, but no partner should be blamed for every little thing that goes wrong. Partners should be supportive of each other rather than blame each other.
They call you names
There is never an excuse to call a partner a hurtful name. This sign of disrespect is also abuse.
What Next?
Do several of the warning signs above describe what’s happening to you or someone you care about?
Keep in mind that these are warning signs that experts have recognized as being common in abusive relationships. One or two incidents in these categories doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in an abusive relationship. But it does mean you should watch for additional signs and consider talking to a trusted adult about your situation.
And remember that an abusive relationship doesn’t always start with physical abuse. Emotional abuse is a warning sign and can lead to physical violence from a partner.
Also Read: 11 Subtle Signs You Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Need help?
If you believe that you are in a potentially violent relationship, you are not alone and there are people who are here to help you. Text Crisis Text Line to chat anonymously with a trained Crisis Counselor at 741741. Chat with trained help at RemedyLIVE by texting “Remedy” to 494949.
