Become a better communicator in under 2 minutes

Yana Knight
Aug 23, 2017 · 3 min read

With advice from animal experts…

I read somewhere that animal communication is apparently inferior to human language and immediately could smell a rat... Must be a conspiracy to hide something insightful, I figured. So I decided to uncover the truth and checked into a local farm for a week of intensive language learning. My teachers ranged from rats to whale (yes, there was a whale on the farm, on a foreign exchange year — he swapped places with a cow, I wonder how she’s getting on in the Pacific…)

Anyway, after a week of full cultural immersion I learnt a bunch of phrases which pretty much express the full range of anything I’d ever like to communicate to anyone and in a much simpler way. (So yes, it WAS a conspiracy preventing us from learning the true simplicity of communication.) Here’s how the clever species do it:

It’s always someone’s birthday.

So, “Happy bird-day!!”

(or as the pigs say on their annual bath day, “Happy bath-day”…)

“Thank you!!”

“You’re whalecome…”

Another bad year? “Oh whale…”

“Is it even possible?”

“Yes of horse!!”

Sick again? “Get whale soon!”

I send you “a pig pig hug!”

Lost 2 bucks in a slot machine? Don’t worry,

Won 2 bucks in a slot machine? “Cong-rats!”

Friend won a million bucks in a slot machine? Tell them how much you love them!!

And here’re some combinations which show off the full expressive range of this language:

“Good night! Sheep whale!”

“Fishing you a goat day!”

“Goat to hear you’re whale!”

Cong-rats! You’ve just become a much better communicator in under 2 minutes!

You’re whalecome! Goat day!

I’m going back to the farm for the summer poetry course.

)
Yana Knight

Written by

www.storyofyana.com Just to see what happens

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