Species in my local area

This week I left my house for once to catalogue species in my neigbourhood and rate them based on their dangerousness.

Children — Appear in herds twice a day, mornings and late afternoons, typically led by a shepherd. The only species with innate abilities such as laughter and telling you straight you’re an asshole. For this reason, danger rating: 4/5. Probably for the same reason, going extinct.

Men playing football — can be spotted on Sundays in the park screaming from too much freedom and contact with nature. Danger rating: 4/5, mostly dangerous as role models to the above species, and is part of the explanation why the above species is going extinct.

Students — nocturnal, appear crawling out of their caves after 1am, their screams and mating calls can be heard for miles. If about to come into contact with them, it’s better to choose an alternative route as they might accidentally vomit on you from too much excitement. I’m giving it 5/5 for the vomit.

Beggars — can’t give any details because my eyes suddenly found the shop window in front of which a representative of this species was sitting to be really very interesting. Strange, I don’t normally care for shops. Well, let’s just assume it’s 5/5.

The dead — Do not care for mating, excitement, freedom or assholes. 0/5.