The Idiot’s Guide to Gary Johnson

Gary Johnson talks in a more complex way as compared to other candidates. Some people would say he mumbles. Some say, they can’t get clarity. Some people say that a third party is a WASTED VOTE. 62% want him in the debates*, while only 10%** are ready to cast their vote for him. So what does it mean? Why is it that American public wants to hear him so bad during the Presidential debates?

For a little while now, I’ve been refusing to accept the fact that the other candidates deserve the right to lead the greatest nation in the world for many apparent and somewhat embarrassing reasons highlighted in the latest news. “Don’t trust the news to form a political opinion. Everyone’s bought.”- Trump’s supporters will say. “Did you hear the latest racial insult coming out of his mouth that I heard on the news? We are electing a fascist.” — Clinton’s supporters will say. I get the point. But nonetheless, news is news. News are highlighting what people are reading, what they can get fired up about. More “Breaking News” scandals equal more fire, which means more clicks, bigger audience reach, more ad revenue for the publication, etc.

And in these news outlets, our candidates are presented before an American public like a glorious 2-color pile of smelly garbage and we, ladies and gentlemen, are the recycling team. The best part yet, the recycling team knows, that in the midst of all this garbage there are treasures, otherwise called “The Issues”. Those treasures are important and precious to all of us, and sometimes they are disguised and also covered in dirt, so they are easy to miss. But if you focus on the garbage for a little while, you may easily find a fake one, and when you do, be sure to take it home and show your treasure to your friends and family. Don’t forget the strangers on the Internet too. See what happens when they will tell you that your treasure is not real or not good enough. All of a sudden, the false sense of ownership kicks in, and you will be assuredly defending your fake treasures and make this battle your top priority. You will get in fights with your relatives. You will tell your children “I raised you better.” That’s guaranteed. Your friend’s list will suffer and shrink on Facebook. But the next day, you will return to the garbage pile, because (OMG!) we are on the same recycling team!

I really wanted to stop paying in the garbage pile, but everyone’s doing it, and it’s more addictive that looking for a Pikachu. So, instead I want to make a case for destroying the garbage pile. We’ll start with colors to neutralize it at first.

The idiot’s version: We are not necessarily electing a political party, but a person to lead this country.

So, let’s start with the easy ones, or why I can’t afford the color game:

Case against the Blue Garbage: I am 28 years old, married with a baby and a house. I have a graduate degree and my husband just completed one. We both work full time and started a small business on the side. We have no help, we never had. Our daycare cost is equivalent to our mortgage payment. This year, my household will be paying $50,000 in taxes. We skipped a whole tax bracket in 1 year and our school loans are kicking in full force. If we were in charge of our money I could create 2 jobs right now — a nanny and an account manager for our small freelance business so that it can grow and we can hire more people. I can’t do either. Instead, I am going to give it to Hillary Clinton, so that she can buy couple bombs to throw into Syria to fight ISIS overseas, instead of fighting ISIS ideology here, at home, which is much more dangerous. I also would like my family’s medical care to be available to me with the sticker prices — Chinese menu style, and without being on hold with my insurance agent for 30 minutes at a time. “Single payer system?” — you say. “Nope” I answer, I would like to choose a hospital, choose a doctor, and choose a medicine. I will not support a redistribution of wealth, because I am not wealthy, even though it might be perceived that I am. That perception I found while looking through the garbage pile, and some people thought it was the treasure. And guess what, I want a refund from IRS. But that’s a pipe dream.

The idiot’s version: Bigger Government=Higher Taxes=More Restrictions=Week Economy.

Case against the Red Garbage: I am an immigrant. I am an American citizen. I have a support system that includes pretty much every race, religion, gender and sexual preference and I will fight for my support system. I have never asked my neighbor’s cleaning lady, Maria for a proof of ID. Maria helps around. I do not call Child Protective Services when I am in a bind, and instead I call my Maria. She will be there. She is family. I would probably love my Maria even more, if Maria paid taxes, but deporting Maria is not an option. That’s right — we just personalized 1 of 11 million people whose destiny our presidential hopefully wants to decide. Also, my brother-in-law is so fabulously gay, that he has a better taste selecting my daughter’s clothing than any TLC’s fashionista. He doesn’t lie, he works hard and dates a boy we absolutely adore. He will get married someday. Taking away his right to love is not an option. My husband and I may or may not have other kids. This is our choice, and unfortunately the fetus can only live in my body. We don’t produce eggs to sit on, and instead, we carry fetuses. So if I don’t want to carry one, I won’t. And stuff happens when you are married.

The idiot’s version: We should be able to practice religion, live and love in any way we choose as long as we are not harming other people. Government should have no say in that.

Once the garbage pile loses color, it becomes much less interesting to dig through.

The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss in the Garbage Game:
1. Denial: “It’s impossible that my candidate is as bad as the other. Simply not true.”
2. Anger: “How could my party move forward with such a terrible candidate? They have failed me, I hate the system, and it’s never going to change and we are all doomed. Other people who support another candidate are hateful/uneducated/stupid/etc. So I think I am going to stay with my original choice. The other one just has to loose.”
3. Bargaining:May be if I write enough letters to my party they will choose another candidate. May be Obama can stay for another term so we could have more options? Wait…is that even possible?” Well, why sir, it’s certainly possible according to the constitution, but not likely. “Maybe I can seriously like the other candidate? I am so lost on what they have to offer, it’s too late anyways.”
4. Depression: “We are all going to loose. I wish other people felt like this. I am not even going to vote. I don’t matter. I see something other people don’t but it really doesn’t matter anymore. People are just not capable of debating; they just all want to insult each other. I give up and am never going to talk about politics in public ever again.”
5. Acceptance:They are both really bad. I don’t know what to do. Let me start over. What are the options again?”

The Life After:

After I was done destroying the garbage pile, I realized, that I am an idiot. Here it is: America should never ever be perceived as the garbage pile, because it is not. We are smart. We are educated, sophisticated and different. Enough already! Enough with the plastic fake, unreliable, and insulting corrupt politicians. No more compromises. I will not vote for evil. I know you do not want to vote for evil. So, stop electing evil for yourself. Get out of the garbage pile. You don’t belong there. You are an American.

This is “The Issue”. I have found my own real gold cherished treasure the second I looked past the garbage pile. At stake are my identity, my American pride, my individualism, my work, my honesty, my freedom, my life and my child’s future. I don’t trust Mrs. Clinton or Mr. Trump with any of the above. To me, America means INTEGRITY.

The idiot’s version: “I want a THIRD CHOICE.”

The Complexities of the Choice:

Ladies and Gentlemen, if we lived in former Soviet Union, Jill Stein would look like a viable option. However, here, in America, redistribution of wealth is not OK by any means. We are simply too big and built differently as compared to other small western European countries the size of one of our states, where concepts like that are viable. It’s just easier to reorganize if things don’t work out. You may very well have another opinion. But if you don’t and you are on the same page with me…

MEET GARY JOHNSON. In his approach, he looks at the complexity of the issue in its entire form vs. saying simplistic phrases people can understand, but are usually nothing more than promise statements. Coming out of the garbage pile ideology, clean sophistication is hard to digest. However, I believe that that in the sophistication of his address to an average American lies a true valuable management skill, that only experienced executive would know. He is not afraid to take the audience on a “let’s think this through and understand it together ride”. So, if you don’t want the garbage pile, then raise the level of intellect you want your politicians to expect of you. You are now treated as a human being, capable of understanding complex information presented to you. Be proud. You are worth it. And at the end of it, all big issues are truly complex. But in case you are still in the depression state of withdrawal from the garbage pile, let me offer you an idiot’s guide to…

25 Things You Should Want to Know About Gary Johnson:

1. He is an entrepreneur: built a big construction company business from scratch, starting with one man (himself) and sold it years later. There are no known ethical issues with how he ran it. His team seemed happy with the business and sad when he sold it.

2. He is a successful two term governor of New Mexico that stared his term with a deficit and left it with a surplus, while cutting taxes for residents 17 times and he re-allocated state funds by 30% more towards the education.

3. He is a passionate athlete: He climbed the mount of Everest with a broken leg. He competes in 3 other sports and enjoys many more. He promotes healthy lifestyle.

4. Foreign Policy: No Nation Building. No Policing the World. More Security Here at Home. Bringing troops back and protect our own borders is a priority.

5. Immigration: Allow legal immigration. Path to citizenship for people who are already here so long they are law abiding.

6. Israel: America comes first. We will support Israel a long as possible.

7. ISIS: Fight ISIS ideology here at home, instead of fighting ISIS troops with boots on the ground in Syria.

8. Abortion: Women’s right to choose.

9. National debt: Cut government spending. Cut the government itself. Balance the checkbook.

10. Student loans: Giving out inflated government student loans. Reduce the cost of education instead.

11. Family: Encourage fathers’ participation in child-raising.

12. Marriage Equality: Allow gays to marry.

13. Internet: Keep the Internet Free. Protect Privacy. Get a Warrant.

14. Education: Keep Resources Close to Home. Innovate. And Educate Our Future Generations. Teach each child to his/hers potential.

15. Vaccination: Allow parents to choose. If it goes wrong, allow states to reinforce vaccinations. If that goes wrong, have federal government side with science. Then enforce vaccinations.

16. God: Keep religious freedom in public sphere. So long it doesn’t harm anyone. Separation of church and state is a must.

17. Environment: Protect the Environment. Promote Competition. Incentivize Innovation.

18. TPP: Revise it. Get rid of crony capitalism. Pass the Free Trade Agreement.

19. Black Lives Matter: Yes.

20. Job Creation: Reduce the administrative burden. Level the playing field. Incentivize job growth.

21. War on Drugs: End it. Reduce Recidivism. Support Law Enforcement.

22. Marijuana: Legalize it.

23. Civil Liberties: Protect Privacy. Promote Freedom. Trust Liberty.

24. Gun Control: Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Don’t change gun laws.

25. Taxes: Stop special interest loopholes. Reward responsibility. Simplify our tax code.

The Conclusion of the Idiot: 62% of people do not all support Gary Johnson. 62% of people are angry at the state of politics today. They want to hear a THIRD CHOICE, any CHOICE that speaks for unity, respect and integrity. The number represents that only. Americans do not deserve garbage.

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*Quinnipiac National Poll Results. (

**General Election Polls that are required for Debate Participation — Average Results (NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Fox News)