The Difference between Self-Consciousness and Self-Awareness
And how you can make the switch and trade one for the other
Self-consciousness by its strict definition is being consumed by thoughts concerning the self. You might know from experience that it is not a very useful state if you want to be present in any situation. The unease you feel is the result of constantly judging the self. Awareness however is non-judgmental and does not get in your way. You simply acknowledge how you feel and give yourself the permission to feel so. Your self-conscious inner monologue goes like this: I didn’t say anything during the conversation, I’m such a boring/stupid/awkward person. Translating this to self-awareness, it goes like this: I was quiet during the conversation and it’s perfectly ok to be quiet. Changing perspectives is easier said than done, but I do have a few practical tips to help you switch into self-awareness mode.
Learn to dance
We all want to make a good impression, however, it is impossible to see ourselves from the outside. What’s more, wondering what people think of you whilst making the impression almost always backfires and results in acting awkwardly self-conscious and ill at ease. According to David Funder, professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside, concentrating on physical awareness can make you better at the social game. By controlling the visible parts of your being, such as voice, posture, clothes or how you walk, “you will control the impression you give, and your self-perception will be more accurate.” Actors and dancers are masters of physical awareness and can almost always pull off a great impression, unless instructed otherwise. All those ballet lessons pay themselves off by providing opportunities to practice physical self-awareness, resulting in more accurate self-perception. What’s more, deep concentration induces a meditative state. Why not go for a tango lesson to meditate?
Learn to feel
We are constantly overwhelmed by the amount of stimuli surrounding us. One obvious source is advertising — ads are geared towards eliciting a wide range of emotions, so as to get their messages across effectively. But it’s not all cry-your-eyes-out supershare videos from Upworthy you need to watch out for. Subtle influences like sound, music, smells, even your body posture can affect your mood. This can be great when you are in need of a quick pick-me-up: your favourite playlist can do that for you. However, these could also mask your true feelings and create an artificial sense of well-being or wrap you in inexplicable sadness. By regularly reminding yourself to check in with your feelings — think through how you feel and try to identify what or who is behind those feelings could bring you closer to your authentic emotions. And there is an app for that. Selfspective, a free smartphone application developed by data scientists and a psychologist, notifies you few times per day to record how you feel. The app will remember where you were, who you were with and what you were doing, so you will be able to spot and disrupt unhealthy trends sooner. Unlike learning facts, changing habits and behaviours takes dedicated, conscious and ongoing efforts and Selfspective makes you do that.
Liberate your Self
Daily meditation is not only the fad of Fortune 500 entrepreneurs, it’s actually an effective tool for reducing anxiety and shifting perspectives. There is no need to be religious to discover a sense of oneness, something beyond the confines of individuality. The sum of all universal human experiences provide a safe haven for all those seeking a refuge from the anxieties and self-doubts of the everyday. Unlike counterproductive positive affirmations — which are just so 90s anyway — meditation provides a real possibility for getting more grounded and secure. And guess what? There is a great app for that too! Headspace was founded by Andy Puddicombe, a former Tibetan Buddhist monk, turned circus arts performer. The app provides daily meditation snippets for smartphone users with the possibility to track progress.
Ask for feedback
It’s not easy to ask for feedback, nor is it a joyride to hear what people have to say about you. First and foremost, you need to make sure that your partner providing feedback knows that you are not interested in nice-to-have reassurances, but a cold, hard stare into your own eyes through theirs. Find someone, who is not seeking your approval, since their own agenda could easily distort the picture they have in their minds about you. Do not rely on one person’s feedback. Ask at least two people who know you well enough to gain a balanced view of yourself. If you are in no mood to contact your exes with uncomfortable questions, check out Us+, a futuristic application by artists Lauren McCarthy and Kyle McDonald, which can fix some pretty handy feedback for you through Google Hangouts.
Learn to regulate your emotions
Regulating is not to be confused with masking or repressing emotions. This is a skill we all have and use all the time — we also do this when we make ourselves anxious by worrying about something. We also have the ability to regulate other people’s emotions, when soothing a crying child or infecting the office’s population with laughter on a Friday afternoon. The road to regulating your own emotions starts by shifting your perspective. How? By practicing self-awareness, and by trying to identify triggers before becoming overwhelmed. Venting feelings (e.g. shouting) and avoiding thinking about things are often ineffective and can be counterproductive. Repressing negative feelings however, is a no-go. The goal is not to eliminate them, but to be able to bear them without becoming defensive and to recover quickly. It seems like the very belief in our ability to overcome unpleasant feelings speeds up the recovery process. Taking a step back before your fight or flight response takes over is also a good idea. You might realize, that the lion chasing you is only a shadow and you have nothing to be afraid of.
