Dear Grandpa,

I honestly don’t know what to say. I can only envision a beautiful Saturday morning, where you brought me breakfast in bed. And the cereal, I believe it was honey nut cheerios, in which you used water because we ran out of milk.

I remember getting out of 2nd grade, and seeing you standing by the fence, waiting to pick me up and walk me back home, and as many times I told my parents that I wanted to walk home alone,you never let the stubborn 2nd grade grandson walk home alone.

I remember the day you left for the Philippines, and as a young elementary school student, I gave you a kiss on the cheek and I told you I was going to miss you. As a smile lit up your face as I planted my innocent lips upon your cheeks, I felt the warmth from your heart provide me comfort.

Or all the times I would just sit and watch wheel of fortune with you, not really saying anything, and just sitting there and being in each other’s company.

But I know times can’t always be so simple,

I remember in vivid detail the day you had a stroke, to what I thought was a normal dinner, ended up being the turning point of my life. Who would have thought a day could change the rest of me.

Now a stroke is defined as a “brain attack,” in which it occurs when blood flow to an area in the brain is cut off, and the brain becomes deprived of oxygen and glucose.

But I just remember that in this moment, a stroke to me was turning a new page. No, it was opening up a whole different book, not realizing how many chapters were in this novel, not knowing all the different volumes this story was going to have. It was more than just a trilogy, and when I think of it, it was more than a series.

Think of it this way, my grandpa represented more than just the blocks on a building, he was the foundation of the structure, supporting everything he held up, enduring everything he’s gone through in his life.

I just remember when I opened this new book, it’s change of pace turned, and I felt like I was running this marathon. It felt like miles on end, and as the lactic acid built up in my legs, dragging me down from continuing, I was forced to keep going.

It was so hard to see you bedridden, those beautiful Saturday mornings, Turned into just gloomy, distant days.

Through losing your words, we lost communication, I became lost in the translation, and because of this it ran this distance between us.

I felt like the deconstruction of this foundation led to the building up of walls, in which these walls protected me from the fear of losing who you were. I’m ashamed to say I found protection within this walls.

And I know that if these walls could talk, they would tell me how I’m wasting so much time in this self proclaimed safe haven. Where they questioned why I never left this dungeon in which I locked myself up in, shackling my arms and feet to the chains of disbelief, where they questioned why I didn’t build any damn windows, missing out on the all the Saturday morning type feelings, creating this distance between us that should have just been measured by duration of time I could be spending with you.

Regardless of how sturdy these walls were, your love shined through these walls as if they were transparent. You turned this confinement into a sanctuary, and no matter how high I built these walls, your love, as strong as a tsunami, flooded this dungeon. Drowned away all these lies I fabricated throughout the years, and sewed together this fabric that resembled everything you’ve done for me, and when put all together, blanketing the blessings I was given in life.

But what do these words mean?

I could string together such beautiful words into a sentence, but that wouldn’t embody the presence you’ve gifted me in my life.

It wouldn’t portray the arduous chores of seeing you on Saturday mornings hanging up laundry on the clothes line.

You could compose a romantic play, but that wouldn’t embody the love you showed when you made breakfast every morning for your loved ones.

And through all that’s happened throughout my life, you were present every single step of the way, and I know I could not be the loving person I am today without the love you bestowed upon me every single day of my life.

I love you grandpa, rest well and tell grandma I said hi.