Wow, I’m in a very similar position as you are. Although I’ve not been diagnosed, but I’ve been through bouts of depressive episodes which were just full of negativity and darkness. Like you, I journaled mostly negative things.
But a few months ago, I had to cope with losses in my life that could have broken me badly if I had not made the decision to do something about it to keep myself alive. I started journalling every single day about my feelings and 3 happy things/ things I’m grateful for.
It has been my anchor every night. Filling up the jar of happy to spend when the going gets really tough.
Thank you for writing this. Wishing you strength to keep going and have a fulfilling journey in healing.