If Political Candidates were Product Managers…

Election fever is in full swing with the Iowa caucus and New Hampshire primary are almost upon us. Silicon Valley doesn’t pay much attention to pesky topics like elections and democracy. But there are a number of similarities between the issues in the Valley and those raised by the political candidates: immigration, work ethic, regulations, bullying, warped incentives to name a few.

So, here is my take on what the political candidates would say if they were Product Managers tasked with getting a product ready for launch!

On the Democratic side:

Hilary Clinton —there might be some bugs on the email server— union coders will be hired to fix them slowly

Bernie Sanders — the entire project is a huuuge mess — let’s do a total rewrite!

Martin O’Malley — why didn’t anyone read my email summarizing the bugs and the JIRA burndown plan?

On the Republican side:

Donald Trump — I have ALL the solutions - hotfix incoming! And for pete’s sakes, let’s stop hiring immigrants coders

Ted Cruz — let’s roll back to the last bug free version — the one from 1789

Rand Paul — guys, bugs in global.exe especially arabworld.config should be fixed by someone else

Jeb Bush —when I was in charge of the project in Florida, everything was great and bug free. Plus i have too little energy to fix this

Marco Rubio — we need young talented people like me in charge to fix the bugs — let’s skip the hierarchy

Chris Christie — let’s bully the QA into saying there are no bugs :) We can cause overwhelm his email traffic in case of resistance

Rick Santorum — everyone hold hands and pray for God to give us the courage to fix the bugs

John Kasich — there aren’t as many bugs as everyone thinks there are — let’s stop calling each other names and agree on a common sense plan

Ben Carson — if everyone worked 30 hours per day like me, there would be no bugs

Carly Fiorina — let’s find someone who rose from QA to engineering to fix the problems, they understand the bugs better

Mike Huckabee —I will get back to the bugs after the guitar concert

PS — in case this was not obvious, the post is satire and not to be taken seriously