What Happens to a Dream Deferred?

T minus 2 days 6 hours 47 minutes and 32 seconds…

I got DEFERRED.

It sounds ugly right, deferred makes me feel like I got put aside. Why does it make me feel so negative-I know I wasn’t the best candidate but I wish they just rejected me. What can change from December to NOW, why give me this long agonizing wait that was predestined. Maybe the wait is worth it but am I being too hopeful in my chances to achieve a dream. Yet what's wrong with hope!

I would never say this school is my dream but an opportunity to meet new people, explore myself in different situations and allow myself to be pushed not into greatness but given the chance to achieve it. But other schools have the same opportunity. Still I want to go to this one. What’s wrong with me! Why can’t I accept that a school doesn’t define me but it still does….. Am I just preparing for the worst in hope for the best. I think I am content on going to my safety but am I really?!

Throughout the last part of the week I flipped my mind between these two extremes of I CARE and I DON’T CARE. Is there a in-between? This question was answered when I realized what happens to a dream deferred:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Is this poem meant for me? I nearly lost it when I saw the word in a different setting besides the admissions page. Plus can dreams really be put off or reconsidered?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Is this my situation, have I given up and let it become dead and stiff. Still I had that speck of hope, a small chance that I might…..

Or fester like a sore — And then run?

Has this dream consumed my life, is it constantly giving me pain in life or caused me to feel uncomfortable to the point that I must leave it. However this waited dream is making me reflect and focus on other passions, its let me realize that I am more than just a student. It made me acknowledge that I am human, a being meant to defy the forces of nature that push you toward chaos. Or is all that my mind wanting to cheer myself up……..

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Am I mad at myself for not making it, still why do I feel like I deserve it sometimes. Does that make me selfish because I am not happy for others! Maybe I am mad at those who have achieved the dream, a bit jealous for their accomplishments and secured future. But could I have done better! Or did I give it my all and the all I gave was not got enough. Why do we compare ourselves to others…….

Or crust and sugar over — like a syrupy sweet?

What positivity can come from a late rejection. Is this where hope comes in because I still can’t find it. Have I accepted my fate and decided to have an optimistic look on my destined reality. Maybe I have but dreams are not set in stone they change, they flow, getting caught within the process of our lives. Do I have to change my dream….

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Can this dream follow me to my very end. Will I regret myself and enforce self doubt later on living a miserable life because I live in the past. Is this the person I want to become for the rest of my life where I am unhappy, unsatisfied or even lifeless……

Or does it explode?

WILL MY DREAM CRATE AN IMPACT! If it explodes is it dead or alive? Did I destroy my life or sparked my passion! Maybe it exploded because it created a new one, a dream that will be deferred like always but ready to change your life through the struggles you go to achieve it.

WHAT HAPPENS TO DREAM DEFERRED?

The dream waits to change you. It pushes you forward like the pressure of a bomb building up to……

T minus 2 days 5 hours 28 minutes and 58 seconds…