My Closest Friend

My closest friend has been with me for as long as I remember; parading through memories lost and found like a soldier equipped for battle.
My closest friend whispers things to me, things that don’t make sense.
My closest friend suffocates the words I wish to say.
My closest friend creates the stories running through my head. The stories that passed the time when sleep evades me, or when the nightmares nip at the edge of my mind. 
My closest friend showed me my love for art, music, reading. A love for expression that I could not vocally grasp.
My closest friend tells me that I will never be enough, that everyone will leave, that it is better to build concrete walls than wooden doors.
My closest friend pressed the blade to my skin, whispering that no one would miss me.
My closest friend showed me the pain of others, and how to push my own away.
My closest friend shows me every flaw, every scar, every un-beautiful thing about me.
My closest friend tells me I will always fail, shaking my hands and taking my breath away.

My closest friend is still here; in the shadows of my soul, feeding on every moment. My closest friend may never go away, may always be waiting in the shadows. 
But that’s okay. Because even though my closest friend hurts me, she also reminds me of what I’ve learned and where I’ve come from.
Because my closest friend is me.