Foundation (Niat)

Recently I read an article called 5 Bad Reasons to Get Married by Aiman Azlan. It was an extremely thought-provoking read, but what really gave an impact on me was the conclusion.

So what would be a good enough reason to get married? The reason you marry someone will form the foundation of that relationship. That foundation will need to withstand so many challenges and obstacles that come your way, and it needs to withstand it for a long, long time.

We enter into a marriage with the intention that we are going to spend the rest of our lives in that relationship. “The rest of our lives” can be days, months, years, or even decades. Ideally, we are shooting for the longest time possible, as long as we are still living. So, although the time we have with our spouse is uncertain, but we hope it would last for a very long time.

In order to achieve that, we need a strong foundation. The strength of that foundation depends on the question “why”. Why do you want to marry that person? Obviously, there can be many possible reasons why we enter into a marital relationship, but right now we want to focus specifically on that one main reason.

That one main reason will be the foundation. If it is strong, it can endure all the tough times that are waiting ahead. It is not a question of if tough times happen, but it is a question of when. Marriage will test your character in ways nothing else can. It will truly push you to your limits.

So before rushing into making a decision to marry a person, take some alone time to think and reflect on the core reason why you want to get married.

Find a reason that can withstand tough times, such that you can reliably hold on to it when you fight with each other, when you start to notice annoying habits of your spouse, when you worry about the bills, when your child is driving you crazy, when you disagree with your in laws, and so many other situations that can shake the foundation of a marriage.

In these tough times, you can always turn back to your main reason, your main intention, and remind yourself of that reason. If that reason is worth fighting for, then you will persevere. Because if that reason is big enough, then any challenge and obstacle will look comparatively small.

Find a reason that is not temporary, such that it doesn’t fade away with the passage of time. Things like beauty, wealth, lineage, fame, and the like are temporary. They fade away with time.

Find a reason that is worth living the rest of your life for. Better yet, find a reason that has a longer life than you. Find a reason that you can take to the grave and beyond.

In my humble opinion, this doesn’t just apply to marriage but it applies to everything in life! You need a strong foundation, a.k.a. niat / intention, to turn back to, when things get bad.

For example, I am often unhappy with the course I am in, in college. Other people would think this INSANE. I’m practically a shoe-in for the Dean’s List, and maybe, perhaps, insyaAllah, even a 4.0 CGPA. But they don’t see how unhappy I am with the state of the ummah. People around me intentionally missing prayers, going clubbing, having same-sex relationships, and a looot of syaitan bisu (deaf devils) — including myself. And at least people from other courses have shame in their sins. But this faculty seems to have no shame at all.

So I have to remember my Strong Foundation. I want to prove that media isn’t (always) the devil, it’s just a tool, and it can be used for good and noble purposes. We as Muslims must embrace new technology, if not, the kuffar will, to direct our attention to things other than Allah.

Broadcasting? Produce TV/radio shows that will appeal to the youth and spread dakwah and ilm. Help daie and scholars to spread their messages out to the world. Don’t be ashamed of Islam.

Journalism? Write articles that will give out positive vibes and support towards good causes (saving the environment, reading books, helping third-world countries, etc). Write controversial, outrageous articles that spread the truth.

Advertising? Put a halt to sexy girls on cars in adverts, and promote Islamic values instead! Use graphic design and copywriting as a way to creatively instill a sense of LET’S-BE-GOOD-TODAY in people.

A Strong Foundation is important in EVERYTHING that we do.

51:56. — And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.