What’s your process?

Random photo on my phone, vague enough to represent anything.

What was the first thing you remember doing by yourself? Mine was of putting my socks on, i may have been 3 or 4 years old but i remember how proud i felt. I still enjoy socks to this day.

I’m sitting up in bed with headphones on. Power just came back on and my spirit is lifted ever so slightly, electricity is a mood booster.

I’m awake at 3 am having just effectively left my job some 24 hours ago. I’d done this job for almost 5 years and have gone through all the phases: having to prove myself to others, then to myself. The job slowly begins to take on a personality that i start to recognise as mine and I find myself realising a few months in that “i’m building this thing”.

I immerse myself into this work becoming one with it, getting frustrated by it — acting out at it and falling in love with it. I manage to create some moments of artistry, some have even called it brilliance. I think about that sometimes.

What even is art or creativity? Was that really me? Was i just lucky to have been thinking that thought and in that moment and happening by the exact way to apply it to something i needed to do? Wow.

A lot of times i don’t really do much, the one brilliant thing i’ll acknowledge that i do is setting things up so they can work without me. Adebola, calls herself a hardworking lazy person. I think i’m the same. For example, for years now i have rarely done anything creative on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are for maintaining the machine, tweaking the process, getting even more efficiency out of the machine. Some Tuesdays, i’m barely even there. I. Just. Go. Through. The. Motions. In fits and starts, my day is optimised for productivity not creativity.

Inspiration is for amateurs, anyway. I just show up and work. To paraphrase Chuck Close.

I’m unemployed now. Sure, I’m being facetious but that’s technically correct.

I’ve also been thinking about my creative process and whether or not I can replicate it more regularly. In the past, i’ve leaned heavily on my productive process to create space. Head-space. I use this space to zone out, colleagues often catch me staring into nothing. These trips, i believe are the triggers of my process. At least, i’ll create stuff that won’t embarrass me as so much of my work now does.

For many artists and writers, my zoning out is nearly equivalent to those long periods of just staring at a blank sheet of paper or word processor.

I’m zoning out right now but it feels uncomfortable. Why am i doing it? The reason i usually do this ended on Friday. So i’m forcing my self to write this. It’s long and meandering but this is how i’ll try to articulate my process. I don’t think creativity is magical — is it?

Decisions, decisions, decisions.