A Pause for a Moment

d�G 

Unknowingly, I have passed the Ash Wednesday in 2017 without any observation. My ignorance is due to my inability to attend my Sunday Mass for the past two Sundays. Ash-Wednesday is the beginning of 40 days journey of looking back at the past 325 days. From an individual’s perspective, when I look back at my past 325 days, I can only conclude one thing; despite my sincerity and commitment towards oneself, I do feel that I’m not rewarded enough, but the only content I have is that, the trust and friendship that I’ve won is based on being sincere and true to oneself.

When I mention the word “reward”, it means the income that I’ve earned so far, a life of glamour that I long for, as well as the prestige that I still continue to crave for. The word “reward” for me does also indicate happiness and a sense of fulfillment. I often asked myself, “Am I the only person who feels that one is not being rewarded enough?” “Am I the only one who feels that despite hard-work and commitment, but is still finding it difficult to survive?” At times, these kinds of questions keep on popping up. I can’t stop but give a thought to it. If my life is rotating around this circle, I think I would only feel helpless and discouraged about my goal’s pursuit. To hunger for success, fame and glamour are purely human and it is not something insane. However, when I think about my sense of fulfillment and contentment, it is not a journey where one waste one’s own time if pursue with a sincere heart. I do feel that some laymen and professionals do continue to provide their services to different business organizations and social communities, despite being poorly rewarded in terms of comfort and luxury. A sense of accomplishment is something that enables such professionals to the continue rendering their services.

Yes, when I think of reward; it made me feel not worth thinking of it, but I need something positive in order to bring back that smile inside. Gradually, I prefer to think something more of my impact on people around me besides my friends and neighbors.