I love watching movies and I always so into the movies I watched. I can say that I got emotional into every touching scences and have kind of feeling like Iam the one on that movie, something like that. There are many times when I cried a river just because I watched sappy scences or just saw someone cried. At that time I just feel like I want to give a hug to her or him or them — you name it and say to her or him or them “it’s okay it’s alright you are not alone I’ll support you” or maybe just simple as “please don’t be sad you deserve to be happy”. And when it comes to my super duper favourite character I can say things like “Baby please don’t be sad. Don’t cry” That’s what I feel towards the character on the movie.
This morning I remember what just happened last midnight. Something that I don’t really understand the reason behind it or maybe it’s just so shameful to knowing what was the reason . I just felt like really sad-disappoint my self-disappoint my loved ones-angry-regret mixed into one feeling that I could not name it and finally cried because those mixed feeling. And for the first time, I felt like I want to hug myself. I wanted to give a little bit courageous to myself something like “please don’t cry you’ll get better really soon.” Or “just wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be fun.” But ofcourse I could not do that. Those courageous and support-hug just happened in my head. I felt like Iam watching a movie where the main character was me,ofcourse. And I saw my self cried alot and yeah that was bad. I pitied my own self. On that moment I thought that maybe having someone to lean on makes it better. I could share my shits. I could talk about these suckin problems? Those feelings which made myself like a-really-lonely-one. But came to think of it, “do I really have no one?” The answer was NO. I had Allah in the first place, I had friends, close friends and ofcourse bestfriends??? So yeah after all that was just me being so melancholic. Cried over my self and pitied my self.
Sometimes sadness makes me feel like Iam a stupid, a coward who being melancholic with no reason, or a-too-shameful-reason-I-don’t-wanna-say. But Iam so happy to know that my other inner self kind of comes up and feel like saying “Please stop. You can do better tomorrow. You deserve to be happy.” everytime sadness comes to me dragging me down.
So what’s the point of my writing? I don’t even know. Maybe little did I know that sometimes the war are happening in ourselves. The positive of us and the negative of us, both of them are keep going on our head. Please make sure that the postive of you are the one who wins. And one to be noted, there are no human being who will really help you as soon as possible except yourself. Leaning on others is good but I guess relying on yourself is better, because who will comes to you on your room in the midnight when you cry all alone? Right?
Cheers! For anyone who read it,if you are having a bad time please don’t be on your-sad-time for too long. Cheers!