How to be a perfect parent to your teen?
Ha Ha, fooled you if you read further than the headline. If there is a magic formula , I have yet to find it. What I can write about which is a new coping mechanism that I’ve discovered. It’s called keeping virtually all your opinions to yourself.
I have always encouraged my children to challenge what they hear and to think creatively and outside the box. Do not take everything as Gospel and try and discern an alternative way of doing something , when things are not working out.
Not the best idea ever.
It means the lovely little people who wouldn’t let go of your hand, turn into opinionated, self thinking, challenging teenagers… How the heck did that happen? I never saw it coming.
It means that they think I know pretty much nothing. I listen to tales of Technology Innovations and I try and say things like, “Oh I use that, (trying to be cool) but I’m greeted with rolled eyes or a “What could you possbily know about that”.
I used to have taste in music, movies, travel destinations, TV Programmes, Books and I had an array of other interests where I shared my opinion.
If your friends treated you the way teenagers do, you would unfriend them or at the very least, limit your contact with them. I now don’t disclose my music tastes and am quite used to having to change back the radio station , everytime I get into the car.
I try and think of the worst college roommates that I had and multiply it by three. I’m now living with three self centred people who expect me to pick up after them and give very little back in return. They look for money , food, and as little contact as possible with you. You have to be OK at looking at headphoned heads in the back of the car and if you want to get their attention, you have to turn off the Wifi.
You have to listen to horror stores and pretend that you are completely not horrified by it. ie about the drunken friend who slipped on his own vomit and took a selfie thats gone viral, while in his underpants.
You have to listen to the tale of the next big party that is taking place up a mountain four hours from civilisation, being supervised by a 9 year old but “everyone is going!….. Ah for God Sake, door banging, Why have I the worst parents ever?
If the exams are really stressful and tough you should not say reassuring things like,” would you like a chocolate biscuit, tea or your favourite dinner.?”That seems to be the wrong thing to do. You should not mention that you did these exams yourself before and you know EXACTLY what they are going through. In fact, just listen and offer no advice what so ever. Whatever you have to say will be wrong.
When the hair is getting so out of control, your son looks like Monica from Friends (when she went tropical), say nothing. Do not offer suggestions, like perhaps a haircut might be an idea. I think pretending you love it is the only way to go.
When they insist on wearing the horrible tracksuit bottom and hoody and you know there are lovely respectable clothes in the wardrobe gathering dust, say nothing. You won’t win.
When you walk into their room and want to gasp, look for Febreze or call for back up. Walk out slowly and take a deep breath and do not clean it. I repeat, do not, this is a pointless exercise which will do nothing but cause you grief. Back away and only ever enter when you absolutely have to.
If you are wondering where all your cereal bowls and cutlery are gone and you find them stuck to the side of the computer desk in their room, with scientific experiments growing in them, don’t intervene. Ask them to do it, let them experience the joy of removing ground in cornflakes.
Don’t try and get your daughter to look like a girl. Oh God no, that’s a no no. Don’t try and make contact with them in public or talk to them when anyone they know is around. Make sure you have regular amount of cash in your pocket for no good reason. There will always be a demand for it.
Don’t try and recognise any new bands on the radio or mention going to concerts that they may wish to go to. Don’t plan anything ever that coincides with their plans. Be available 24/7 on call for taxi duty, sidelines of football pitches, . Don’t be seen anywhere near the school.
Don’t talk to any of their teachers like they are human or say anything nice about their teachers. Don’t be impressed with any teacher who takes no crap from them. that’s another no no.
If you feel like they hate you, don’t worry it’s pretty common. I’ve been reliably informed they return as the nice person you once knew, in their twenties. Hang in there…. May the force be with you.