How do you Forget Someone if you Couldn’t even Forget their Birthday?

There’s this person I’d like to move on from. Moving on and healing in itself – to me – is such a weird concept. As I look back on the days where I was still with this person and compare it to today, it’s difficult to say that I’ve fully healed. The past experiences I’ve had definitely shaped who I am now; I’ve grown.

To me, losing this certain person felt like dealing with grief; eventually it was something I had to get used to.

You’re alive and well to everybody else… yet only to me have you merely become a figment in time and space.

It’s been a few years since we’ve last spoke.

Life never stops for anybody. Just when I think I’m doing fine in my life, January greets me with its cold bittersweet breeze as it reminds me of your birthday, our birthday. ; and just like that, I’m back to square one. I’m back to reminiscing the memories we’ve spent, knowing I could never feel the same I did with you again.

Maybe all I missed was the feeling of having you, but a part of me knows that was never true. If that was always the case, I wouldn’t have remembered all the stories you told me. The songs you liked. From your favorite food to your favorite shows. It’s all been etched in my brain and it’s something I’ve been trying to undo for a while now.

I don’t know myself that well. I don’t even talk about myself that much with you either. But I was always alright with that. Because for me, knowing you was getting to know myself (bcs were both a capricorn i guess). I found myself because of you. It was the fact that I liked you.

I liked you so much that the feeling became too much to bear for my younger self. As the months passed by, everything just bottled up and I confessed regardless of what you’d think. We were both losing each other, and yet I knew that that was the final blow anyway.

But even though those feelings were never reciprocated, you still greeted me on my birthday. And it was only right to greet you on yours.

We’ve stopped the greetings of course. Yet these days I genuinely can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if we didn’t. I wonder who you’re spending your birthday with. How you’re doing now. If things could go back to the way they used to be.

Either way, this person is long gone out of my life now. And as much as this aching feeling might not go away, I’ll do my best to continue on as you’ve always wanted. Just as life goes on, shall I look forward to your birthday coming around again.

I could only wonder if I come across your mind when my birthday comes around too. If it stings you as much as it pains me. Or if you’ve already forgotten me completely.