A message for mums…
I just don’t know where to start with my head today. Pretty much like every day. So if i jump a little bit from place to place i’m sorry…
Probably start with mine and Heaths big accomplishment today! We finally finished paying off our first debt. Been a long journey for us to get to this place where we are finally being able to tick them off the list one by one. If you are bad with money or generally would like some guidance ‘The Barefoot Investor’ is a really really good book to read. It gives you a step by step guide to saving thousands of dollars a year in fee’s and interest you don’t even realise you pay but also gives you a guideline on how you can ‘domino’ your debts and still be able to have some play money each week.
Heath and i have taken a lot from the book but also put our own spin on it and it seems to be working. I know a lot of people that have followed the book almost word by word and it has been amazing for them. We plan to do it once we have paid off more of our debt but i think trying to stick to strict guidelines for me at the moment would only mess with my head and my anxiety.
Suppose that’s one thing i can bring up today. My anxiety around trying to be perfect. I am trying now to be more fluid with less expectations on myself. I have a big habit of putting unrealistic expectations on myself. Things like i need to have all the housework done and have the kids fed and bathed and ready for bed and all that kind of stuff.. Think i feel its my duty as the stay at home and as the stay at home wifey. I feel like my hubby goes to work all day and works his ass off so that we can live and i should have everything else done so that when he gets home he can relax and not have to worry about the house stuff. I have recently learnt though that this is completely an unrealistic expectation. Us mums, as much as we can multi task and we do get a lot done, we don’t have super powers that make us go faster or put more hours in the day or even give us more energy. ***We can only do what we can do!!!!***
I suffer from panic attacks. I get overwhelmed very easily. I look at ALLLLL the house work that needs to be done and then the children start crying and want attention and it all gets too much. Sound normal right? Yeah well it is. Except instead of reacting to it like a normal person and just dealing with the kids and getting what i can get done of the housework at another time i start to talk myself down. ‘It’s too hard. There’s too much. I can’t get this all done. I’m a failure. I should be able to do all of this. What kind of mother am i if i can’t even do the basic jobs’. All the stuff that starts to circle in my head. It starts circling faster and faster and the rain starts getting heavier and all of the sudden i’m in the middle of a thunderstorm. I can’t breathe and i’m freaking out cos i can’t breathe and i can’t get all the thoughts out of my head and i want someone to just get my out of my head and i want to scream for help and still i’m crying hysterically and trying to breathe…….. now say all that over and over again without taking a breath. Panic attack.
I’m working on managing these with my psychologist at the moment. I’m lucky i have my hubby to keep me grounded and to also bring me back to earth when i go off into these episodes. Without him goodness knows where i would be. But i know i do need to learn to manage them myself because what happens one day when i can’t get ahold of him or he just isn’t about to be able to help me. Stuck. I would be stuck.
I think the important thing for me to remember is that i can do it and for you is to remember is you can do it. You can be the best mum and the best wife but just remember that the best mum and wife is just the best person you can be. Just be you. You try your best and that’s the best you can do. Don’t try and adopt super powers that you know don’t exist. Being a mum is fucking hard! But you got this. Lose your shit whenever you need to. Have a cry!!! But then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going because those gorgeous kids of yours need your love and a big hug!
My favourite quote is ‘A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step’.
Take that step. That step is the next minute, the next hour or even the next day. But just one step at a time!
Aimee J x