That sudden shift….. talk it out!

So it’s kinda like this. One minute i feel absolutely fine. I have been on top of the world all day. Then all of the sudden something small happens and its like a switch is flicked and i am in a dark place. Such a low place that i just feel like i can’t function. Like the only thing i can do is cry. All i want to do is basically curl up in bed until my mood changes again. 
The hardest part about the sudden shift is that i just feel like i can’t mum. I feel like i don’t have the want, effort or ability to look after my own kids. That leads to spinning thoughts about how i’m a bad mum and i shouldn’t be a mum and that my kids deserve better.

The think about anxiety and depression is that once you get into the viscous circle that spins in your head you feel like there is no way out and the only way to go is down.

At the moment i seem to just ride it out. Wait for the storm to clear. I usually call someone like my mum or Heath because if i let myself linger in my own head then i only end up worse off and sometimes i even fear that feeling i get. Let’s just say it’s a dark place.

Once out of that circle though, and it takes a lot of concentrating on breathing to get there, I can almost just go straight back to that happy place i was in earlier. But it’s more like a tired happy place.

The main reason i call someone is because i don’t like the feeling of being alone.. and that is what goes through my head a lot. I think to myself alot that i am alone and that i have no one to turn to. Also by getting distracted by what someone else is talking about on the phone then i shift my thoughts from that dark place i am in. I have noticed that not a lot of people like talking but it’s like talking is the only way out of it for me. I have to talk my way out. I feel like more people should try talking, as awkward as it feels at the start. It really helps so get everything off my chest. Like when i say it then it just floats away and i have suddenly processed that thought. I can’t just process it in my own head.

I am just rambling now but i suppose the point i am trying to make is talk to someone. Call your friends, or family and if you are like me at the time and feel alone and no one will answer your call then you call Lifeline, or Beyond Blue or any counselling service you can. it helps to talk it out! Just get it off your chest.

Aimee J xxx