Moving on: A true story

I should say now that I am an individual who has made a ton of bad decisions that have led to toxic relationships and lots of misery.

Every day and every night I am constantly thinking of how messed up my life is and how I am solely responsible for it.

I was the one who let people’s opinions affect me
I was the one who did the most to get acceptance
I was the one who got with people because it was what they needed and not what I wanted

Everything I did in the past, I did it for people and it has made me destroy many friendships and possible friendships cause at the end of the day you can’t actually please everyone.

I turned 18 a month ago and I cried so hard that night. I promised myself and my love I would stop letting my past haunt me and start over again. Don’t be surprised when I say I broke my promise and started falling into this dark place again, it was like that place Rye from Star Wars; the last Jedi fell into. I started crying all the time when my friends were not around, thinking a lot and saying things I didn’t mean ( for those of you I hurt verbally this semester, I am truly sorry).

I blamed God for my misery, I actually made myself believe God hated me and I lost my faith. The thing I realised today is that every single day I wake up is a new opportunity God is giving me to fix my life. No one would do that if they didn’t love you.

In the midst of my heartbreak I found love, I found happiness and that brought me peace. When things get good for me I start overthinking shit, like my brain actually goes haywire, bringing up ridiculous scenarios that can’t actually take place ( whoever has my mumu button it’s time for you to return it dear). Things may not be as easy as I would have liked but that’s what makes life worth living, the hard times, our failures, our loss, our pain, that’s what keeps us going.

I want to be that girl who takes joy in every breath she takes
I want to be that girl who looks at herself in the mirror and forgets the bitter statements
I want to be that girl with happy thoughts
I want to be that girl who is not afraid of love and lets it conquer her mind

I am one with that girl and that girl is with me ( another Star Wars reference)

This girl is moving on

*clink clink bitches*