What “decorating my inner house” means to me

All over Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and basically every social media platform, people are always stressing the importance of “decorating your inner house” and “making a home in yourself” and up until recently I never really knew what that meant to me.

Reading those type of quotes the first few times, I saw them as more physical health based things; making sure my insides looked good. So eat greens, do exercise, drink 10.5 gallons of water a day and all that great stuff. I started doing that. I woke up every morning and had a morning glass of water, before during and after my 30 minute work out, then topped it off with my summer fruits and spinach protein shake before I started my day.

I felt healthier; but not really much happier.

Doing all those things every morning, was fun at first but after a while it started to feel like a chore, because I thought that’s what I needed to do; I was decorating.

After a few months of doing that I just kind of stopped and began to just chill in a limbo-like mindset of “meh”. I wasn’t particularly unhappy or happy, I was fine, everything was literally just okay. After a while of okayness, I inevitably started to deteriorate into “my life is so mediocre” type panics and decided once more to start with the decorating.

This time though, I took a different route. I replaced my water for journal entries and exercise for meditation. I realised that making a home in yourself was not necessarily a place that had to look and feel amazing, but a place that was welcoming. The reason I struggled the first time around was because I didn’t do things that made me feel welcome in myself. I wasn’t really getting to know myself by just exercising, I was really just flirting, checking myself out. But by spending time to get to know myself, relaxing in my own discomfort and anxieties, I’m beginning like coming home to myself. Instead of drowning my sorrows in an excessive in-take of water, I’m learning how to face them head on, if I’m not writing them down, I’m talking it out…with myself.

Decorating my inner house involves figuring out my likes and dislikes and giving the former a wall to hang on. Without spending quality time truly knowing who you are, you’ll never have the time to catch up with who you’re becoming. If I’ve learnt anything about myself in the past year or so, it’s that I often try to hide things away from myself instead of dealing with them. The problem with that is, those things then start to grow and by the time I’ve come to tackle it, it has become more of an issue than it initially was. What I’m trying for the moment to do is to create a space in and for myself that isn’t judgemental, doesn’t necessarily have a strict rule book, and most of all is welcoming. I’m learning to make my being the best place to confide in.

So for me, right now; decorating means putting a light to the darker areas and taking the time to see mould (and clean it) before it spreads.