Photo by Luca Laurence on Unsplash

Work in Progress

It’s been a good few months of a new chapter in my life.

aishwarya.panneerselvam
Nov 2 · 3 min read

Medical school has accelerated my maturation process like nothing else I’ve experienced thus far. In all honesty, its all still a blur, but I’m starting to see better as I wipe my fogged view of what’s facing me. As I reflect on just these past few months, there are already some things that I could have done better. Indeed, we are meant to grow as individuals, always seeking a higher horizon than before. Yet, I’m hyperaware of the concept that I need to appreciate this process and ordered chaos while its still here. At this point in time, most of all, I’m grateful. I’m thankful that I am working on myself; a work in progress.

So, here are my takeaways from the past few months:

First, the inherent capacity and drive we have to accomplish goals is immensely important in a journey of endurance. Medicine is a marathon, one of my friends said, where we just keep sprinting all the way. Ah, it does feel good when someone is able to place a finger on how you feel. But, here’s the twist. As much as I acknowledge “the grind”, I am in awe of my classmates — amazing humans who often make me feel the need to be better and strive for the best.

This brings me to my next learning point — your circle of people are very essential to your progress as a person. The crowd you surround yourself with will change your perspectives on anything from what to get for lunch to how you can be a better you.

Alright, now onto things that are raw and real. There were low points in these months where I even started to question my place in medicine. Scattered, random thoughts of self-doubt would pop in and say hello, even on a supposedly good day. Having no family around near me is a considerable factor, since I’ve always had someone to lean on in such moments. However, it was in these moments that I had to overcome the inertias of life, and use my “why” in medicine to bring me back on the playing field. There is still so much room for improvement in this aspect, but my focus is on being intentional about spending time in meditation, exercise and social spheres that elevate me. Bottomline — move against the flow if all its doing is pulling you down.

Cooking for myself has been a surprising outlet of stress-relief. I love to see things come together, when you start with a few raw parts and finally you have a finished, enhanced product. My takeaway here was finding something that blended the line of being productive and enjoyable at the same time. I found solace in listening to podcasts while cooking too. If I happen to have some time by myself, I love listening to podcasts on psychology, health, shifting mindsets, comedy, crime and philosophy. Time is of essence, and podcasts give me a little traction with the pseudo-feeling of getting something done. This gives me a kick to move onto the next thing I’d be getting to do in my day.

Now, on the opposite side of that spectrum, I have also grown to really enjoy doing nothing. There is some joy in missing out on certain things, especially if I didn’t give a whole-hearted “yes” to an activity in my mind. Is this what “adulting” feels like? Although, I am not too sure what to make of this takeaway at this timeframe, I think I am rounding this off as a step ahead in my personal goals to be fully present in the moment. Doing nothing doesn’t mean much on the surface, but it takes some patience and comfort with oneself. I am learning to use this time to allow my mind to ease itself of stimulation overload.

Albeit, I must admit that sleep scheduling is still a struggle. Oh, and the cardiac embryology I better get back to…

Work in progress

aishwarya.panneerselvam

Written by

Medical Student. Grateful for where I’m at, excited for where I’m going 📸 Grow through what you go through is my mission statement. Welcome to my page!

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