When Jobs reached heaven
The lord sat poised and comfortable on his throne, ice cold and hard as a rock, somewhere in the middle of Mount Kailash. His eyes closed in deep thought, his face illuminated as if from a mystic light, giving away nothing but a sense of profound contentment to the onlooker. The lord indeed was meditating. It was going to be the close of a century, so Sati waited, just a few more hours before her husband will rise from his trance. Shiva could feel his wife’s impatience. He smiled to himself. She had waited all these years without so much as a word, what is it now that makes her so restless that he could sense it even in his trance.
“Dearest husband, you have to excuse my impertinence. I am terribly sorry to tell you this first thing after seeing you after so long.”, blurted Sati, afraid her husband might be annoyed.
“Oh Sati, for you it might have been 100 years. For me, you were always by my side. What is it, my wife, which troubles you so? Why do you look so pale and why are you carrying this huge plate full of Laddoos? Is Ganesh over eating again? Unburden yourself my love.”
“My husband! I’ll tell you what the problem is. Its something you won’t believe. Our Ganesh is not overeating, on the contrary he is not eating at all!”
“I am sure I don’t follow you my dear”, said Shiva, looking positively shaken with this news.
“Hear me, for this is the truth. Ganesh is not himself anymore. He doesn’t eat, or talk or play! He sits in his room all day, my love!”
“Why, what does he do all day?”
“Since you’ve gone on your little spiritual journey, my husband, a lot seems to have changed. It was during one of Ganesh’s trips to the heavens where the humans reside. He met someone. And that someone gifted our son what he calls Apple. My lord, I thought he was talking about the fruit Apple. The one we made for the earthlings. But no! Its more like the mirror I use. Ganesh keeps glued to it all day. He smiles at it, and cries too! Says he will not eat laddoos I prepare for him. Surekha, my maid, swears she has seen Ganesh doing weird things like sitting halfway, his hands stretched in front of him. When she asked him what he was doing, he said he wants to reduce the extra fat! It has been weeks since I saw him last, my love. I am petrified.” Sati finished, sobbing now.
Ganesh was called to his father immediately.
Nobody can refuse the lord. So when our little Prince Ganesh was brought before the benevolent lord, the lord himself could not recognize him! Ganesh whose face was that of an elephant looked more and more like that of a human, handsome too at that. His body which was previously majorly composed of a huge belly now appeared toned and sleek. His hair was all grown out and he wore what appeared to be a robe with buttons on the front and instead of lungi he wore something all the God and Goddess had never seen!
“Father, you called.” Said he, his voice shaking just a little.
“Pray, Ganesh, what have you done with yourself! Are you my child Ganesh or are you some devil who possessed him? I demand you tell me the truth!” Shiva said furiously.
While Sati looked like she would faint if she looked on for a while longer.
“Father, mother, accept my respect. It’s me, Lord, your own son. I have just, um, given myself a, um, makeover.”
“What on heaven, is a makeover?” shouted Shiva, not showing any signs of calming down. It was foretold that kids of Kalyug will worship devil, but this Ganesh was born in Krita Yuga!
“Pitashree, makeover is the word earthlings use to state a change in appearance, usually for better. It’s so cool, father. You should try it too!”
“I’m sorry, cool? You need a place cooler than Kailash! Have you lost your mind!” Bellowed the omniscient lord.
“LOL. I am just using earth’s lingo, dad. I’ll tell you the whole story. You told me to make frequent trips of the heaven, remember? So I did! I met the great Steve Jobs, pitajee! He is so cool! Everybody on earth worships him more than they worship you! They have written books on him too! We got to chatting and he handed me this!” Ganesh took out from his Kavach what seemed like a mirror. It was flat and rectangular. White on one side and transparent on the other. As Ganesh touched it with his thumb, the thing magically illuminated, much like Shiva’s face.
“Ganesh! What sorcery is this?!” Cried Sati, who looked as if she will blow up any moment now.
“Maa! It’s what they call Apple iPad. It’s no less than a miracle! It can do all of the things we magical beings can! You can play songs on it. Not the boring tune we keep hearing here, but really awesome stuff. You remember maa, I told you to make Noodles and you looked at me as if I’m crazy? You can learn how to prepare noodles on this! It’s called YouTube! I have learnt so much from it, maa. Its my Guru. I also met two gals, Riddhi and Siddhi through this thing. Its called tinder. You had to do so much to get married to Pitajee, no? I just had to swipe right with one finger and I found my love! Maa, I really think we should move to earth now, it’s so much better than this place! LMAO.”
Sati finally fainted. Shiva was convinced Ganesh has lost his mind. He will approach Brahma and ask what he has done in his previous birth that he is getting to see such days. Meanwhile Ganesh walked back to his room, typing furiously on his iPad,
“Grown ups be such a pain, feeling irritated at Kailash parbat.”